The Transition Curve

Two-lane highways in Northern California Mountains where I grew up can be thrilling and beautiful to drive. As you wind your way through canyons and along rivers, the views can be breathtaking. The journey, however, involves some level of risk. Any number of mishaps are possible. You have to change the way you normally drive.

In a similar way, significant life transitions require an altogether different kind of navigating. Our default strategies aren't always sufficient to get us through the challenges. Vision is impeded by unexpected twists and turns. We may need to increase our level of alertness and add some new skills in order to avoid getting stuck in some ditch or, worse yet, driving off a cliff! 

While life is full of challenging transitions, cross-cultural transitions are the mainstay of global workers. I'm always looking for tips at navigating transition successfully. Here's a few I've gathered along the way:

Stay Alert to Obstacles. When I was growing up, a visit to Grandma's required a 3-hour drive on roads which snaked their way through the mountains. From time to time we would pass signs which warned, "Falling Rock." My dad had this 9 year old convinced that I should be watching out for the man Falling Rock, a wandering Indian chief. I've since learned that I should have been looking out for rocks falling onto the road from the cliffs above us.

What are some of your falling rocks in the middle of the road of transition? Some of us are prone to neglect rest and reflection. Others find it hard to prioritize or concentrate. Still others get stuck in the past, while some forge ahead without healthy closure. For me, impatience is a constant rock in the road. Any of these can become potential obstacles to navigating a successful transition. Simply being aware of the places we are vulnerable increases our chances of success.

Adjust Your Speed. Blind spots are natural hazards along the road of transition. We can't avoid them, but we can protect ourselves from unnecessary risk by slowing down and thinking through the next big decision. Have I adjusted my speed? What will make me feel more confident as I head into this change? Persistent prayer and time with God? More time to reflect? Processing with a trusted friend, mentor, coach or counselor? These are just a few important ways to steer your transition forward without collision.

Avoid the Drift. My dad was not only notorious for driving too fast around the curves; he was also a drifter. As the road got long, the urge to close his eyes would overtake him. Then everyone in the car would feel a sudden jolt as he corrected the vehicle back onto the lane. My mom would look over and ask, "Do you want me to drive?" Rather than give up control of the wheel, his answer was to open the window for some cold air and turn up the country music which was already blaring from the radio.

When I find myself having to navigate transition, I always have a choice: remain alert or fall asleep. One requires some intentionality. The other gives way to the confusion and chaos often characterized by the transition itself. A way to avoid this transitional drift is through intentional goal setting. Goal setting in transition is a purposeful activity in seasons where we often struggle to find meaning and purpose. Depending upon where we are on the transitional curve, we may or may not be able to set certain goals. But we can at least set some short-term ones that keep us moving down the right lane and going the right direction.

Pull off to the Side. Some of my biggest regrets during transition have revolved around missed opportunities with God, my family and friends. The problem was with my perspective. I was seeing transition as an obstacle to pass through as quickly as possible, rather than an opportunity to experience God more deeply and make some memories with the ones I love.

From time to time the road you are traveling will ease out of the canyon, straighten out, and give you an extra lane to allow for safe passing. Passing is not a requirement, it's merely allowed. Why hurry and miss the beauty of it all? Pull off to the side from time to time, let the confused and careless pass you by, and savor some time for reflection.

Get help with your transition HERE

Transition Talk

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” -Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭NIV‬ 

Conversations during seasons of transition have the potential to become volatile. We may go into a meeting with the best of intentions, but the insecurity and anxiety connected with transition can trip us up, and before we know it we are saying things we regret.

This same insecurity and anxiety causes others to withdraw. Whether the conversation is with a family member, friend, co-worker, or simply the clerk at the grocery store, we can find ourselves preoccupied and disengaged. We turn inward, feeling like the present has no real purpose. Mentally and emotionally we are already on to the next thing, whatever that is.

When these become our default responses in transition conversations  1) the talks we should have never occur because avoidance is easier in the short-term, or  2) the conversation takes place, but has a negative outcome for both parties. Either way, successful transition is hindered because of a short-term approach.

A great goal to have for healthy transition is to maintain a long-term perspective. If you are the one leaving, ask yourself, Could I circle back to these relationships 5 years from now? 10 years from now?  Project yourself into that situation. How do you want your next encounter with this individual to feel?

If you are the one staying you might ask, How do I feel about our relationship? What could make it better? When it comes time for me to make a transition, how would I like to feel upon my departure? How can I help this person feel that way?

This long-term approach can give us the motivation we need to invest in life-giving conversations, even through difficult transitions.

So, how does transition impact your social skills? Are you more likely to speak out of impatience or anger? Or would you prefer to crawl into your transition "shell", never to be seen again? Either way, with some long-term thinking, some great counsel  from God's word, and a shot of courage, you can successfully navigate your transition, and help others to do the same.

What would it look like to see each conversation as an opportunity to affirm and encourage some really significant people in your life? Ephesians 4:29 sets the backdrop for a really great conversation to take place, even during high stress transition times. When coupled with David Pollack's RAFT model for healthy transitions, the potential is there to transform transition conversations into what they should be: AFFIRMING.

Need help navigating your transition? Go HERE.

The Two Sides of Transition

“Restore our fortunes, Lord, like streams in the Negev. Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” -Psalm 126:4-6 NIV

This passage from the book of Psalms speaks about the reality of grieving loss while carrying something to invest into the future. Both are necessary components of successful transitions. One hand acknowledges and affirms the people, places and things we leave behind. The other hand symbolizes the hope we carry into the future -the hope to plant, cultivate and reap something new and beautiful. Acknowledging loss and cultivating hope: two sides of the transition coin.

Whether transition is forced upon us or comes about by personal choice, making it to the other side requires that we intentionally process the loss and plan for the next productive season. Is it possible to walk through a major life transition with both hands full, one doing the work of grieving losses, and the other gradually filling up with good seed to plant in rich soil? Yes! So, why not allow God to fill at least one of your hands with abundant seed to sow on the other side of the transition? He is able to do that - even while the loss still hurts.

Sometimes transitions can seem chaotic. Nothing feels right. Nothing looks right. Nothing works. Maybe it's time to re-define transition, to infuse our experience with a sense of purpose. What if transition = transformation? You can read more about this HERE in a great post by one of my mentor coaches. I'll end this post with some encouragement from Romans 5:3-5 MSG...

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"

Working with a qualified life coach is a great way to process both sides of the transitions coin. Click Here to learn more about working with me as your transitions coach.