Disillusionment and the Cross-Cultural Worker
Without correction, the disillusioned worker may be able to continue in a career, but it's much more challenging to stay faithful to a calling. The good news is that disillusionment may be just what we need to re-calibrate and move forward.
1996-1999. Our first term of service in a faraway land. A roller coaster ride for sure: Civil war. A subsequent peace treaty. More unrest. A trip back home for the birth of our second child. During that time, we learned of my dad's diagnosis of cancer. Less than a year later, we were back in the USA for his funeral. Throughout those three years, we were watched closely and questioned regularly by government authorities. In the mix of it all, we endured a season of crisis within the NGO (humanitarian organization) we were working with.
As I look back, it was three years in which I cycled through feelings of hopelessness and great excitement. In the worst of times, I questioned my calling. I'm just now remembering a conversation with my wife in our living room. The NGO we worked with was imploding due to interpersonal conflicts which had been boiling under the surface. After another emotionally exhausting day of meetings, I came home and told my wife it was time for us to give up and go home. If she had agreed, I would have been tempted to start packing. And the whole terrible, beautiful story would have looked much different today. We ended up staying (and in many ways thriving) another 15 years in the same location.
For most expat workers, myself included, what brings us to the point of disillusionment is not usually war, or a crisis in the family, or sickness, or even the death of a family member back home. Although those events are the source of much stress and strain, the thing that often brings us to the breaking point is failed relationships, especially among our expat colleagues in our companies and on our teams.
My first term is a good case study. With all of the hazards of cultural adjustment and personal life encountered and endured in those tumultuous 3 years, the thing that brought me to the lowest point of despair was the hopelessness I felt due to failed relationships among my expat and local colleagues. The same may be true for you. Nothing messes with a sense of calling and causes feelings of disillusionment more than relational issues. Here's why:
We feel distracted from the "real" work. Nobody comes to the field expecting to spend loads of time dealing with interpersonal conflict and unresolved issues among fellow workers. Language acquisition and effective, productive ministry is what we're after, right? But sometimes we find ourselves caught in the middle of a crisis which becomes so distracting, physically and emotionally, that we have little capacity for anything else. If this persists, it can lead to the next thing...
Disillusionment sets in. When relationships go south, our world of ideals and expectations can be shaken. I personally recall thinking to myself, If this is what cross-cultural service is about, I want nothing to do with it. Over the years, I have sat with a good number of colleagues who have felt the same way.
Without correction, the disillusioned worker may be able to continue in a career, but it's much more challenging to stay faithful to a calling. Disillusionment is dangerous because it fosters a critical spirit which poisons the pot.
The good news is that disillusionment may be just what we need to re-calibrate. One definition of the word is "to free or be freed from illusion". In other words, it allows the discouraged person to have their false ideals and expectations corrected and to be o.k. with some of the messiness which life dishes out.
Let's face it. Relationship issues are an occupational hazard of cross-cultural service. But I'm convinced it's possible to thrive and stay in the game even during seasons of relational strain. Here's a few quick tips:
Pre-Arrival...
Are you getting ready to go? Go expecting a mix of the good, bad and ugly when it comes to relationships. This is not being cynical or faithless; it's simply setting realistic expectations for yourself and others. With that expectation in place, along with a determination to extend lots of grace and forgiveness, we can set ourselves up for success.
In the Trenches...
Determine not to allow negativity and gossip to poison your heart and mind. Refrain from making judgements about locals or expats based on hearsay and one-off encounters. Get to know them yourself. Give it time.
Remember, we reap what we sow. Plant good seed in ALL your conversations.
In the Home Stretch...
To the best of your ability and as far as it depends on you, keep on sowing good seed to the very last day. In this way, you will leave behind the aroma of Christ in each situation.
And whatever you do, don't leave bitter. Life's too short for that.
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” -Hebrews 12:15 NIV
Feeling a bit disillusioned? Walking through a messy transition? As your coach, I'm here to help. Contact me.
Transition: A Path to Clarity
Prolonged transitions can leave us longing for clarity. Here are some proactive steps we can take in order to successfully navigate these seasons of directional change...
I want out of this fog! That's the cry of many people who find themselves blinded by transition, frustrated over their inability to gain clarity and move forward.
The Sacramento Valley where I'm from sometimes gets covered with a thick blanket of winter fog. I recall one particular time when it lingered for days. But a drive up into the foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains soon had me breaking out of the thick soup and into crisp, clean air and sunny skies.
Prolonged transitions can leave us longing for clarity. The contrast between confusion and clarity is stark, reminding me of the process of navigating transition. While feelings of unclearness are normal and even helpful at various points in the journey (more on how lack of clarity can be helpful in a future post), taking some proactive steps to aid in navigation can set us up for success.
1. Beef Up Your Support System. I recently became aware first-hand of my need for support through a major transition. The challenges were simply more than I could handle without additional support. This meant reaching out to a friend and asking if they'd be willing to meet regularly for mutual encouragement and prayer together. They were more than willing, and our regular skype calls have had a huge impact on my perspective and attitude through a season of personal transition. This leads me to another need which transition often highlights...
2. Process More. Whether you're a verbal or internal processor, introvert or extrovert, one thing is for sure: we all need to find ways to process transition in a healthy way. Without it, by default we choose a prolonged transition. This might mean creating more space in our schedules for prayer, reflection and journaling. Or talking regularly and intentionally about our transition with a spouse, friend, mentor, counselor or life coach. Get eclectic yet intentional about your processing. It will reap huge rewards and help you move toward more clear skies!
3. Process Less. Ok, I'm contradicting myself again, not an unusual characteristic of those in transition. But this time it's intentional. In our search for clarity, we often find ourselves having the same conversations again and again with influential people in our lives, such as a spouse, boss, or team leader. And it seems to be a repeat of misunderstandings and opposing ideas, all of which lead to further confusion rather than the clarity we seek. These dead-end dialogues are huge energy drainers, prolonging an already long transition season.
Although hard conversations can be a necessary part of transition, we may do well to ask ourselves, Is it the right time to return to this conversation? With this individual? Trusting God with our futures can sometimes mean processing less with some people, at least for a season, and trusting Him more with our futures.
4. Dream On. The ability to dream, to imagine a new future, is one sign that a tough life transition may be rounding the curve. Picture yourself rounding the bend, out of the fog and into clear skies. Seem like a dream now? Just wait. Dare to dream. And when you find it next to impossible to dream, allow God to do it for you:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. -Charles DuBos
Gain clarity through your transition HERE
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Transition and Memory Lane
What are some potential transition-triggers in your life? How might these be opportunities for renewed perspective and growth?
“A planned journey is an oxymoron.”
If there has been one reoccurring theme in my life through the years, it is transition. When our children were young, I think we had learned to cope well, even thrive, during seasons of change. We did transitions together as a family. Pack the boxes, say the goodbyes, kiss the cat one last time, board the plane. Altogether now! We may have been moving to a new country, new house, new school, new community – or all four. But we did the new thing together.
Fast forward to here and now. My oldest daughter lives in Southern California and will be graduating from university in December. My son is busy submitting college applications, planning to attend university next year somewhere near his older sister. Our youngest daughter is an 8th grader at an International School in Istanbul where we currently reside.
I often feel like I’m hanging on by my fingernails to the cliff of my fragile existence in Istanbul, Turkey. There are so many variables, potential transition triggers, which could pull me away and thrust me into yet another transition. War and unrest. A denied visa application. A crisis in the family. Transition never looks the same, and each one comes with its own complex set of challenges.
The good news is that each transition is custom designed by my loving Father for my growth. I’m learning to trust God during these seasons of change. I’m reminded that transition is not to be defined as chaos. When we walk with the sovereign Lord of the universe and lover of our souls, transition is purposeful because He is a God of purpose.
“Transformation is the true destination of transition...”
What unique set of challenges is your transition serving up? What opportunities for growth might you be missing? Need some perspective? Connect with a qualified transitions coach HERE.