Transition's Final Word
Life is not all about transition, but it can seem so at times. Some transition seasons feel all-consuming. Here's a few raw and random thoughts and tips as I summarize the final chapter of my transition journey...
“Usually I am so immersed in what I do that I know myself only in relation to it.”
Life is not all about transition. Really? Most of us who are going through the turbulent waters of change may not agree with that statement. Transition does seem all-consuming at times. Here's a few raw and random thoughts and tips as I seek to summarize my transition journey...
Laugh it off.
My wife and I recently had a good laugh together as we took stock of our physical conditions following our most recent international move. Sore feet, aching backs, and overall physical and emotional exhaustion ironically had us laughing as we compared notes. We've also shared lots of silliness and laughter at the dinner table with our kids. A sense of humor is an invaluable asset when everything in life that can shake and shift does so, sometimes all at once.
Normalize it.
Emotional and physical stress are two sides of the transition coin. The combination of the two can result in unusual manifestations. Personally, I've been known to say incoherent things and act rather strangely. While in transition's tight grip, I've had friends, colleagues and family confused and bewildered. Admit it. You can relate to my confession. It helps just to be aware, to normalize the fact that transition pushes our buttons in strange and mysterious ways.
Be Done with it.
As I sit here writing somewhere over the Atlantic I can't tell you how relieved I’m feeling. Partly because I'm prone to bouts of worry through long transitions. It feels good to be moving on to a new set of concerns. Also partly because I'm an internal processor and I'm feeling like this piece of who I am has been taxed to the limit. I've done all the processing I can handle...for now. It's time to watch some movies on the screen built into the seat in front of me and let all the processing fall by the wayside. Is that even possible? I think not.
Recover and Regroup.
I guess what I'm saying is this: After all the change and uncertainty, I'm looking forward to a little less internal work and more outward expression of what the change has wrought in me. I want to be done with transition for a while. I want to recover and regroup, partly because I know change is inevitable and it won't be long before a new kind of transition comes my way. One that is uniquely designed by God for my growth and will somehow contribute to the bigger picture that only He understands.
Maintain in the Middle.
Maintaining some semblance of routine serves as a counterweight when big changes come our way. There is no better way to maintain some degree of stability and balance than by holding on to as much normalcy as possible. It's not only about dealing with and preparing for change; it's about continuing to live life well right in the middle of it. Here's a few healthy habits which have served to keep me grounded while juggling the many balls of transition:
- Family dinners together as much as possible, sprinkled with a good dose of laughter.
- Friday dinner and movie dates as a couple.
- Predictable morning routine, which for me means scripture reading, writing, walking the dog, and coffee!
- Family game or movie night once per week.
What routines have you been able to maintain while simultaneously working through change?
By the way, thanks to my wife, children, friends, mentors and coaches who have walked this inward journey with me. God has used you to shape my character and refine my calling. It's when I'm with you, in the moment, that I feel grounded and less prone to worry about all the unknowns.
“The span between life as we intend it and life as we receive it is vast. Our true purpose is worked out in that gap. It is fashioned in the crucible of interruptions.”
This transition season has been one of the longest and difficult, yet most rewarding holy interruptions of my life. A purposeful gap in between life's more predictable seasons.
Cheering you on in your transition,
Tim
I Lost My Compass
Transition can feel like a string of losses when things that have served us well in the past no longer seem to work. Those tried and true navigational tactics we've come to depend upon no longer give results. This can be a great time to reach outside for support and re-tooling.
“Life is trying things to see if they work.”
“He knows the water best who has waded through it.”
While working in Central Asia, I led an outdoor adventure program for young boys called Royal Rangers. The boys had the opportunity to work on what they call merits. One merit took them through the basics of using a compass as a navigational tool. Those who demonstrated proper use of the tool in a non-life-threatening situation received a badge upon completion. Now proud users of a compass to help them find their way home.
I wish navigating life transitions was that easy!
I recently watched a movie with my wife and daughter called The Finest Hours. In the film, the Coast Guard makes a daring rescue attempt off the coast of Cape Cod after a pair of oil tankers are destroyed during a blizzard in 1952. The main character who heads up the rescue attempt is named Bernie, played by Chris Pine.
Upon rescuing the survivors from the sinking tanker, Bernie begins the journey back to shore only to discover his compass is broken. "I lost my compass," he radios to his superior. With zero visibility in a small storm-tossed boat overloaded with desperate men, he has no choice but to navigate back to the safety of the harbor - without his compass.
As he pulls out of the fog and into the harbor, our hero is blessed with a warm and welcome sight. People and cars are lined up along the coast, shining their headlights in the direction of the storm-tossed sea hoping that the men would somehow catch a glimpse of the light and follow it in. The community came out to shine some light and welcome him home.
Three things capture my attention as it relates navigating transitions:
Transition calls for adjustment. In the movie, Bernie's finest hour came when he learned to navigate by paying attention to the wind and other outside elements. As he did so, his inward compass began to kick in. Transition presents an opportunity for recalibration. Adjustments and fine-tuning are necessities of getting through a difficult transition. Paying attention to the distinct characteristics of our unique transition will help us understand the ways we may need to adjust. As we navigate the storm, the Lord has promised to guide us through unfamiliar territory:
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”
When we lose something, we often stand to gain something more valuable. A broken compass is a major loss, especially in stormy conditions. Transition can feel like a string of losses when things that have served us well in the past no longer seem to work. Those tried and true navigational tactics we've come to depend upon no longer give results. This can be a great time to reach outside for support and re-tooling. One of my recent clients in transition put it this way:
“In a relatively short amount of time I have been able to capture insights from the entirety of my life and translate them into a more clear strategy. Not only have I gained a better understanding to navigate through life but I have also slowly learned how to aid others in similar situations.”
We may feel a bit lost and storm-tossed without our compass. But with some intentionality we can end up gaining valuable life skills and creative insights to guide us through transition and set us up for success on the other side.
There are others waiting to receive us on the other side. I know. This is not always true. Travelers have reached their destinations with little to no welcome or support. But in the age of social networking, there are more ways than ever to let people know you're on the way and that you could use some help. If your transition involves a geographical move, let me encourage you to get intentional about building relationships with those waiting on the other side of your transition. There may be something they can do to help you experience a smoother landing upon your arrival. They can certainly pray for you, and often they are willing to give emotional, logistical and other practical support. But we must be intentional about reaching out, letting them know we are coming and asking clearly for the support we feel we need.
As you near the end of transition, I'm hoping some light will emerge out of the fog to give you hope and welcome you home - wherever home may be.
See you on the other side!
Get help navigating your transition HERE
Root Awakening
Certain big questions loom large in transition. And the good news is that transition seasons are fertile ground for discovery if we're asking the right questions. Here are some of the right ones to be asking...
I'm pretty much bald. Have been for some time. It was in the gene pool, and I really don't have a problem with it. I've never had a second thought about passing up some product which claims to restore the roots under my scalp and magically grow a thick head of hair. Not gonna fall for it.
Last month I was a guest in the home of some friends. As I entered the shower I noticed a shampoo product called Root Awakening. I confess, I had to try it. Needless to say, the product failed to live up to its name. Guess it's too late for me.
In transition, I haven't been very successful at reviving dead roots. I once tried, during a year in the states between overseas assignments. It seemed to hold the magical formula. I was back in the town of my growing up years, revisiting people and places I once knew so well. It felt very nostalgic. But I failed to factor in that so much had changed during my long time away. Nostalgia ignores the reality of change. Years flew by and life went forward without me. Instead of sulking and feeling left behind, I needed to find stability somewhere else.
Things began to make more sense when I started paying attention to the roots.
Does your transition have you feeling rootless? Either gradually or all at once, you've been yanked out of your cozy environment, roots dangling. For some of us, the roots went down deep, which made the pulling hurt even more. For others, maybe the roots weren't as deep. But it still hurts.
In certain situations, the transition was never forced upon us. We chose it ourselves, but that doesn't mean it's easy.
It may be too late for a guy like me to grow hair on his head, but it's never too late to rebuild the root system through transition. Three roots that need to be looked after are:
- The roots of identity. Who am I really, at the core of my being? What false identities have I been trusting in?
- The roots of purpose. Why am I here? What am I meant to do? What value does it have? What's important?
- The roots of relationship. With whom should I connect? Who will be my friends? What will my support system look like?
These big questions and others like them loom large in transition. And the good news is that transition seasons are fertile ground for discovery if we're asking the right questions.
The chaos of transition subsides when we wrestle with questions that promote root growth. If you're in a transition right now, let me encourage you to wrestle with the big questions in your personal times of prayer and reflection. It may also be helpful to process these questions with a trusted friend, counselor or life coach.
Could it be that in transition God is calling us back to our roots? And roots – good roots - bring about strength, consistency, and further growth.
A song we sing in our church states that God and his love are constant through the trial and the change. Even when life gets turned upside down in transition, we have this constant assurance.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
Are you preparing for growth by taking care of the roots? Transitions come and go. That which keeps us rooted remains the same.
Get help with your transition HERE