The Coaching Habits We Don’t Know We Have

Growing as a Coach — Part 2

Every coach develops habits.

Some of them are easy to recognize. Others become so much a part of the way we coach that we hardly notice them anymore. We have favorite kinds of questions, familiar ways of responding, places where we tend to move quickly and places where we tend to linger.

Most of these habits aren't necessarily bad. In fact, many grow out of our strengths. But when we become more aware of them, they can tell us something important about how we're showing up with our clients.

One of those habits for me has been stacking questions.

A Growth Edge I've Had to Notice

You probably know what I mean. Instead of asking one question and allowing the client to respond, I might ask a question, add another thought, and then follow it with a second—or even third—question.

It can sound something like this:

"What's most important to you about this decision? And what do you think is keeping you from moving forward? Is there something you're afraid you might lose?" Yikes!

There may be three perfectly good questions in there. The problem is that I've given the client three places to go.

I've noticed this tendency in my own coaching, and peer coaches and mentors have pointed it out to me as well. It's become one of my growth edges—something I continue to monitor because it tells me something about my presence with a client.

Why am I asking another question?

Am I giving the client enough room to think?

Do I really need to clarify what I just asked, or am I uncomfortable with the space that follows?

Would one simple question be enough?

That awareness helps me slow down.

Sometimes Our Habits Grow Out of Our Strengths

Active listening has always felt like one of my natural strengths as a coach. I enjoy listening to people. I tend to hear themes and connections, and I'm curious about what's underneath what someone is saying.

But I've learned that being naturally attentive doesn't mean I've mastered active listening. In fact, the longer I coach, the more expansive listening seems to become.

Listening isn't only hearing the client's words or remembering what they said five minutes ago. It's noticing a shift in energy. A word they keep repeating. A hesitation. An assumption buried inside a sentence. A change in tone. Something they said quickly and moved past. Something they didn't say at all.

And sometimes the most important part of listening is simply noticing what just happened—and resisting the urge to do something with it too quickly.

Notice. Pause. Ask.

I'm learning that those three simple movements can create a lot of space in a coaching conversation.

Notice what's happening with the client—and what's happening in me.

Pause long enough to let the moment breathe.

Then ask what seems most useful, without needing to package everything I've noticed into one beautifully constructed question. Ironically, learning to ask less can help me listen more.

We Can't Always Hear Our Own Habits

The tricky thing about coaching habits is that we're often the last ones to recognize them.

That's understandable. While we're coaching, we're listening, observing, thinking, responding, and trying to stay fully present with another person. We're not simultaneously sitting outside the conversation evaluating everything we're doing.

That's why reflection and feedback are so valuable.

Sometimes I'll finish a coaching conversation feeling pretty good about it, only to hear something different when I listen to the recording. A question was longer than I remembered. I moved on too quickly. I missed an opportunity to stay with something. Or, yes, I stacked several questions together when one would have been enough.

That kind of awareness isn't something I want to fear. I want to welcome it. Because once I can see a pattern, I have choices.

What Patterns Might You Notice?

Every coach has them.

Maybe you fill silence quickly. Perhaps you have a tendency to lead the client toward action. Maybe you ask long questions, offer interpretations too readily, or spend more time exploring the situation than the person experiencing it.

You may also discover patterns that reveal genuine strengths: the way you create safety, notice emotion, evoke insight, or help clients hear themselves differently. The goal isn't to scrutinize every coaching conversation until we become self-conscious. That can actually work against presence. The goal is awareness.

So here's my challenge for you this week:

Pay attention to one pattern in your coaching.

Don't start with, "What am I doing wrong?" Instead, approach it with curiosity: "What do I tend to do?"

If you record your coaching (with client consent of course), listen to a portion of a session. If you don't, take five minutes after your next client and reflect on what you noticed about yourself. Better yet, invite a trusted coach, mentor, or peer to listen and tell you what they notice.

You might discover a growth edge. You might discover a strength you haven't fully appreciated. Most likely, you'll discover a little of both. And that's part of becoming a better coach.

Sometimes We Need Another Set of Ears

One of the things I value most about mentor coaching is the opportunity to have someone else listen to our coaching—not simply to evaluate it, but to help us notice what can be difficult to hear ourselves.

That's an important part of my Coach-Pro Mentor Coaching program. Along with exploring the ICF Core Competencies and learning together you get individual feedback sessions and evaluations of your own coaching recordings.

The goal isn't perfection. It's greater awareness: recognizing what you already do well, identifying the patterns that may be limiting you, and choosing a few meaningful places to grow.

Learn more about Coach-Pro Mentor Coaching →

What Makes a Good Coach Better?

Growing as a Coach — Part 1

When we first learn to coach, growth can feel pretty obvious. We learn new skills. We practice asking better questions. We discover what it means to listen differently, resist the urge to give advice, and allow the client to do more of the thinking. If we're pursuing an ICF credential, we become familiar with the Core Competencies and begin paying attention to what effective coaching actually looks like.

There is a lot to learn—and usually plenty of evidence that we're learning it.

But something interesting can happen once we've been coaching for a while. We get comfortable.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. With experience comes confidence. Conversations begin to flow more naturally. We don't have to think quite so hard about what question to ask next. We develop instincts that help us recognize patterns, stay curious, and trust the coaching process.

But comfort can also make growth harder to see.

When Competence Becomes Comfortable

One of the challenges of becoming an experienced coach is that we develop ways of coaching that work. Certain questions tend to produce good conversations. Certain approaches fit our personality. Clients respond well to us. They make progress. They refer other people to us. All of that can reinforce the idea that we're doing pretty well.

And perhaps we are.

But there's an important difference between being a competent coach and being a growing coach. A competent coach has developed skills that work. A growing coach remains curious about those skills.

Why did I ask that question? What was happening with the client that I may have missed? Was I following the client's agenda—or subtly following my own? Where did I become uncomfortable? What do I consistently do well, and where might I still be playing it safe?

These aren't questions we ask because we're failing as coaches. They're questions we ask because growth requires awareness.

When Strengths Become Blind Spots

Over time, every coach develops a coaching style. Perhaps you're naturally empathetic and create a wonderful sense of safety for your clients. Maybe you're particularly good at helping people see possibilities. Perhaps you notice patterns quickly, ask challenging questions, or help clients move toward action.

Those are strengths worth celebrating. But our strengths can also become places where we stop paying attention.

The coach who creates tremendous safety may sometimes hesitate to challenge. The coach who sees patterns quickly may occasionally get ahead of the client. The coach who loves action may move toward solutions before enough discovery has happened. And the coach who asks powerful questions may sometimes be so focused on the next question that they miss what just happened in the conversation.

Growth doesn't necessarily mean replacing these strengths. Often, it means becoming more intentional about how and when we use them.

That's a different kind of learning than simply acquiring another coaching technique.

Growth Requires a Mirror

There's another challenge: most of us coach alone.

Once our formal training is finished, there may be very few people who actually hear us coach. We move from conversation to conversation, doing meaningful work with clients, but rarely have another experienced coach observing us. That makes it difficult to see our own patterns.

It's a little like trying to see the back of your own head without a mirror.

Reflection helps. Continuing education helps. Reading about coaching and listening to good coaching helps. But sometimes we need another person to notice what we can't see ourselves.

That's one of the things I've come to appreciate about mentor coaching. At its best, mentor coaching isn't simply about satisfying a credentialing requirement or demonstrating the ICF competencies correctly. It's an opportunity to become more aware of who we are becoming as coaches.

What comes naturally to us? Where are we growing? Where might we be getting in our own way? And what would happen if we became just a little more intentional in one or two areas of our coaching?

So, Where Are You Growing?

As coaches, we regularly invite our clients to stretch, experiment, notice patterns, and move beyond what's comfortable. It's worth occasionally turning that same invitation toward ourselves.

So here's a question I'd encourage you to sit with this week:

When was the last time you intentionally examined how you coach—not simply whether your clients are getting results?

Maybe there's a strength you want to deepen, a competency you'd like to understand more fully, or a habit you're beginning to notice. Or perhaps you've simply reached a place where coaching feels comfortable—and you sense it's time to stretch again.

You don't need ten things to work on. One is enough.

Becoming a better coach rarely happens through one dramatic breakthrough. More often, it happens through curiosity, reflection, feedback, practice—and the willingness to remain a learner.

And I hope that's something none of us ever outgrow.

-Tim

If you're looking for a place to continue growing as a coach while completing your mentor coaching requirements, let’s talk!

Learn more about Coach-Pro Mentor Coaching →

Walking With People in Transition: A Call to Leaders Who Walk the Hard Roads With Others

If you serve people, you’ve probably noticed this:
Transition doesn’t knock politely. It sweeps in, turns things upside-down, and brings people face-to-face with questions they didn’t know were waiting beneath the surface.

As a coach who has spent decades walking alongside leaders, ministry workers, missionaries, and those navigating major life changes, I’ve learned something simple yet profound:

People in transition don’t need us to have all the answers.
They need us to walk with them—wisely, humbly, and with Christ at the center.

But that’s not always easy.

Transitions stir grief, identity questions, relational strain, and vocational uncertainty. They expose false beliefs and surface long-buried fears. They can also open doors to fresh imagination, deeper trust, and unexpected growth—but only when someone is present enough to help them navigate the messy middle.

And that’s where you come in.

Why This Webinar Matters Right Now

Many leaders tell me they feel under-equipped when someone turns to them and says, “I don’t know who I am anymore,” or “Everything is changing and I feel stuck.”

You want to help,
you want to care well,
you want to offer Christ-centered guidance…
but it’s easy to either say too much, say too little, or start trying to fix things that aren’t actually the issue.

This is exactly why I created my upcoming webinar:

Walking With People in Transition

A 90-Minute Live Webinar for Coaches, Leaders, and Anyone Who Walks Alongside Others
📅 Thursday, January 22 • 10 AM MST
🔗 Register here:
https://encompasslifecoaching.podia.com/walking-with-people-in-transition

In this 90-minute live training, we will slow down, step inside the lived experience of those in transition, and explore:

• What’s really happening beneath the surface during seasons of change

• The internal and external needs people carry—often without the language to describe it

• Growth obstacles and growth opportunities that show up when everything is shifting

• A Christ-centered way of being present without taking over the process

• Practical tools and conversation openers you can use immediately

You’ll leave with a clearer framework for guiding others with confidence, compassion, and clarity.

And for those who attend live, you’ll also receive:
The Walking With People in Transition Resource Packet
—a practical set of tools designed to help you go deeper as you support others.

Is This Webinar for You?

This webinar is for you if:

1. You’re looking for Christ-centered solutions to help others navigate transition
   You want to support people spiritually, emotionally, and with grounded wisdom.

2. You want to be better equipped to walk alongside others without taking over their process
   You desire a posture that empowers rather than directs.

3. You want tools you can trust—simple, clear, and immediately usable
   Tools you can bring into coaching conversations, pastoral care, leadership settings, or everyday relational life.

If that sounds like you, I’d love for you to join me.

A Final Word From My Heart

Every transition is a journey of faith.
A holy invitation.
A wilderness that God actually uses to reshape identity, deepen reliance, and open new paths.

But most people can’t see that on their own.
They need someone walking with them—someone like you.

My hope is that this webinar not only equips you with tools,
but also strengthens your calling and renews your confidence in the sacred work you do.

If you’re ready to walk more wisely, more intentionally, and more compassionately with those you serve…

👉 Register for the webinar here:
https://encompasslifecoaching.podia.com/walking-with-people-in-transition

With you on the journey,
-Tim

P.S. If you’re someone who loves practical tools, stories, and frameworks for guiding others through change, be sure to join the webinar live—you’ll automatically receive the full Walking with People in Transition Resource Packet as a thank-you for being there in real time.