Anchor Points

Transitions bring disruption and upheaval. In transition seasons we may come to a point where we no longer recognize our lives. The steadiness and stability we once knew seems distant and out of reach. We want to hold on through the winds and waves of change, but to what? What is there to cling to?

It’s easy to give up on the idea of maintaining structure and routine through transition seasons. What’s the use anyway? Constant change will just sabotage my efforts. And so, we let the current of transition take us where it will, with the hope that we won’t drift too far or, worse yet, drown in the process.

What if we could build some intentionality into the process of change? How could it help us stay more grounded, hopeful, and purposeful through the uncertainty of it all?

I’d like to share some insights I’ve gathered along the way, particularly as it relates to building structure and routine into these times of uncertainty. I’ll be referring to them as anchor points, but other useful language could be holds or non-negotiables.

WHAT ARE YOUR ANCHOR POINTS?

Anchor points can be anything we do to create a sense of stability in the messiness and uncertainty of change. They mostly center around rhythms of rest, routines and relationships. They are intentional ways we want to steward time and leverage opportunities for overall health and growth.

I see anchor points as non-negotiables, with the expectation that flexibility will be necessary while navigating transition. Imagine pulling up the anchor, rowing to another spot, then anchoring down once again. Our weekly date night gets disrupted. What other options do we have for quality time together? My morning quiet time needs to shift. No worries. Tomorrow is a new day. Actually, I have a one-hour window this evening. Win!

It’s usually better to tweak a non-negotiable than to give up on it altogether. Yes, God gives us do-overs, restarts and second chances. Do you see a grace principle at work here?

Having anchor points reminds us that we are not defined merely by the changes taking place. We are more than that. Even though transition can challenge one’s sense of identity and purpose, God can also use it to remind us of who we are in Him. That’s such a stabilizing force!

Anchor points play a critical role in building the muscle of resilience. It’s a balancing act for sure. We adapt and flex with the changes around us, even while staying committed to rhythms and routines which ground us. In this way, transition can take on its own unique cadence designed by God uniquely for us, for a season.

Here’s a few ways to establish anchor points in transition seasons…

• Focus on what you CAN do instead of what you can’t. Limitations are real in transition. Capacity can be lower, options more limited. But at the same time, it can be a very creative season, allowing us to explore and experiment with out-of-the-box ideas and practices, which in turn can become new anchor points, at least for a season.

• Reflect and re-anchor weekly, if not daily. Priorities tend to change more frequently in transition. Decision fatigue can set in. To remain grounded and focused on what matters most, it’s important to pause and re-order priorities prayerfully and regularly. I like to sit down weekly and ask myself a series of questions, something I call Reflection Point. Feel free to download these questions HERE and use them or some variation of them if you find it helpful.

• Focus on being, not just doing. This can be especially helpful when we find ourselves in prolonged holding patterns, with not a whole lot to do. Following 20 years of life overseas and facing a big transition, I faced an identity struggle. Who was I apart from the roles and titles that defined me all those years? By focusing on God’s invitation to be with him and to define myself in new ways based on my relationship to Him, I was able to let go of a false sense of identity and become more anchored in what really matters.

Do you have anchor points that have helped you navigate transition? I’d love to hear from you.

As you reflect on this post, what comes to mind? What are some ways you tend to drift in transition? What are some routines and rhythms that could help you stay anchored?

Looking for a transitions coach with a proven track record of helping his clients successfully navigate change? Schedule your discovery call HERE.

Why Coaching Works: Three Real-Life Situations

Coaching is flexible.

As seasons change and situations shift, great life coaching can remain a relevant piece of your support structure. This is especially true in this journey called life, where adapting to change is a key component of our ability to thrive. Here’s an example which highlights the beauty of coaching - being both intentional and flexible at the same time…

Randy and his family live in Eastern Europe. He came to me for coaching around some disillusionment and discouragement he was experiencing. He had been questioning his personal calling and purpose as an expat working overseas. We were just getting started with a series of coaching sessions, focused on life purpose discovery, when COVID-19 hit. The result was a rug-pulled-out transition rather than a planned one. We quickly shifted our coaching sessions to focus on processing, debriefing and planning for the immediate future. We will eventually return to our original agenda together, but for now this is how our coaching relationship can remain most relevant.

The beauty of a good coaching relationship is that it can creatively adapt. Coaching can and should be flexible!

Coaching helps redefine productivity.

Productivity which lacks purpose is not sustainable to emotional and spiritual vitality.

At some point productivity and purpose must intersect. This may come as a surprise , but great life coaching is not only about getting more done. I think in some circles there’s this false perception of coaching, that it merely focuses on areas of efficiency and productivity. The coach, in other words, is here to help you “win big.” What does that even mean?

More often than not, coach and client are addressing heart issues, underlying motivations, and core values, all of which help us make better decisions and win at life in the right way.

That’s not to say being productive isn’t important; it’s about defining what that looks like…

Sally, another client I work with, has set some very admirable goals related to writing and publishing her next book. While our coaching clearly needs to address measurable output and deadlines, Sally is just as concerned with what flows from her heart, not merely her hands. For example, she’s working on developing a rhythm of pauses throughout her day in order to ground herself and re-focus on God, the Source of her creativity. Since she struggles being consistent in this area, this has become part of our coaching agenda as we work together toward productivity and purpose.

Couples coaching is doable!

While couples coaching is not for the faint of heart, it can meet a real need.

Couples coaching can be effective in a number of contexts, but most of the couples I coach are going through some kind of big transition. Transitions, especially ones that impact the whole family (and most of them do), are fertile ground for spouses to team up with a coach together.

Tom and Emily are making a big move from a large city to a rural village in their host country in South America. Everything is changing for them and their two children. They are leaving a supportive community, established ministry roles, and trading private Christian school for homeschooling. While excited about the new in the transition, they want to make sure they aren’t leaving any unfinished business behind as they make plans for the future.

Emily is the list person in their marriage. Oh yes, those never-ending transition lists! She loves the fact that she can run through her list in our coaching sessions, while getting input from Tom and a clarifying question or two from me. Tom wants to lead his family well through these changes. He’s aware of his blind spots and uses our coaching time to establish boundaries and get honest feedback from Emily and myself. Together, they are realizing and honoring each other’s contributions and strengths they bring to this transition season.

These are just a few examples of how coaching addresses the needs of people in real-life situations, possibly in ways you weren’t aware of. What else would you like to know about coaching and how it may be a good fit for the season you’re in?  Help me write my next post with your comments!

Interested in being coached? Book a discovery call with me HERE.

Author’s Note: Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Why Millennials and Gen Z's are Hiring Life Coaches

I recently came across an article in The Guardian about why more and more teenagers and young adults are relying on life coaches.

Why the reason for this shift? the writer asks. Are more and more young people hiring coaches for career advice, or to fend off loneliness? Or something else?

A 2017 ICF Survey reveals that 35% of Generation Z respondents (those born after 1995) already had a coach. While coaching services are often associated with professionals looking to advance their careers, it seems as if this landscape of perception seems to be shifting.

But the big question remains – Why? Why is life coaching becoming more and more appealing to young people?

Here’s my take as I reflect on the article, especially as it relates to what a Christian coach can offer to a generation of young coaching clients…

• Purpose. A sense of purpose is tied to a long-term perspective, something many young adults have not yet acquired. That’s not a negative thing; it’s simply the reality they live in. That’s until they are exposed to long-term strategic thinking processes.

  I count it a privilege when I get to coach someone with a short-term mindset. When that person comes with a willingness to learn, there is potential for a huge paradigm shift. They begin to see themselves as potential creators and contributors to society and the Kingdom of God rather than mere takers. They just might take hold of a long-term vision which requires hard work yet promises great reward. One insightful 26-year-old life coach is quoted in the article, “Your life purpose is meant to evolve over time and that question should be asked more than once. Lots of young people feel that, if they don’t get what they want right now, they’ll never get it. They forget they’re playing a long game.”

  A long game, indeed! And long-term strategic thinking combined with a sense of purpose can change the world.

• Pause and Consider. When my wife and I were in our 20’s and preparing to move to Central Asia as missionaries, we couldn’t get there soon enough. That sense of urgency compelled us to board a plane the day before Thanksgiving rather than delay departure and spend the holiday with our parents and other extended family. Not to mention we were taking our 1-year-old daughter away from her grandparents for 4 years! Even now, 23 years later, there’s some regret around that decision.

  A sense of urgency, even for a good cause, is no guarantee for good choices. That reality hit home when we found ourselves on the other side of the world in a lonely, drab Central Asian apartment on Thanksgiving Day, crying into our bowl of ramen noodles.

  If I don’t get it now, I might miss out. That’s what the urgency of youth says. But urgency without purpose is unstable in all its ways. Even good pursuits can be overshadowed by poor choices motivated by a sense of urgency. A great coach can help a young client slow down and think strategically and with more consideration of how their choices might impact those around them.

  One young person quoted in the above-mentioned article states, “Young people just need to slow down; once we do, we finally have the space to figure out what we’re good at. From there, we can build much better, more considered lives.”

• Potential. Coaching is not about fixing people; it’s about recognizing and affirming the client as resourceful, creative and capable. When the coaching is grounded in the biblical worldview that we are image-bearers of the Triune God, watch out! There’s no limit to what God, by His Spirit, can accomplish through the coaching relationship. When that message is communicated by the coach, in spoken and unspoken ways, the young client experiences an awakened sense of worth and potential.

“When I started (as a life coach), people would get a coach because they were a bit messed up or were struggling,” he says. “But now coaching is seen as a helpful space to figure stuff out – it’s almost a badge of honor to show people you’re committed to getting the best out of your life.”

— Michael Bungay Stanier, Life Coach

• Personal Desire. What do I want? This is the question young people are asking universally in one form or another. The implications of where this question leads are enormous. Christ-centered coaching offers inquiring teens and young adults different perspectives and new ways to explore personal desire. Why not leverage this felt need during this pivotal season of life as a springboard for some powerful questioning such as, what does God want? What are my expectations of God? What are His expectations of me? Why do I want this? What difference does it make? What’s the long-term impact of this choice?

• Professional Skills Development. Newly acquired life skills are often a solid by-product when it comes to coaching young people. One 19-year-old who hired a life coach puts it this way: “Coaching teaches you how to communicate properly and how to prioritize different aspects of your life, which is something that we Gen Z’s have struggled with. We’ve grown up with technology and distractions – we almost have to learn how to look someone in the eye.” This highlights the modeling and mentoring component to the coaching relationship, which definitely has its place in professional coaching.

A Final Thought

Coaching young adults may not be something all coaches aspire to. However, as Christian coaches it’s important that we understand the current trends and shifts within the broader coaching movement. We should all agree that the reality of a new generation discovering the value of coaching is a good thing. And, if you’re reading this as a coach, you just might want to ask yourself, How could I carve out space in my coaching practice for one or two young clients?

Do you know a young person who’s struggling to discover their path to purpose? Book them a discovery call with me HERE.

Inspiration for this blog post comes from: Kalia, Ammar. “It’s a safety blanket: why more and more teenagers are relying on life coaches.“, The Guardian, July 31, 2019, https://bit.ly/2LSjsiH