Crossroads and the Big Decisions
God’s way, I've come to realize, is transition. And it works its wonders differently each time. One thing is certain: transition leads us to the crossroads of decision. Here are some important steps to take when navigating your transition crossroads...
God’s way, I've come to realize, is transition.
Oh, it feels different each time. Sometimes change hits us abruptly, with no warning whatsoever. Or it can be subtle, like the first signs of fall after a long summer. Transition can serve as a boot camp of sorts, preparing us for some bold new adventure. Sometimes mostly outward circumstances change. Other times big internal shifts take place, impacting core values, identity and purpose.
One thing is certain: transitions lead us to the crossroads of decision.
Recently, on the heels of a major transition, I came across this invitation from scripture:
“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’”
Take Time to Stand…
Transitions are opportunities to stand between the juncture of two or more paths and consider the options. A posture of stillness prepares us to see what we may otherwise not see and to make navigational adjustments while it’s not too late. Fools rush in, so the saying goes. Nonetheless one part of me wants to heed the world’s urgent call to action, “Don't just stand there, do something!”
Standing, in one sense, is stopping long enough to make sense of it all.
Our fast-paced culture tends to downplay the need for disciplines like stillness and solitude. But what if there is more heroism in the act of standing than we would dare to think? When we take time to put on the brakes and to stand at a crossroads we are more likely to end up in a good place when it’s all said and done...
“Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet.”
Look Again. What do you See?
There is more to the process than simply stopping. It's possible to stop and stand at a crossroads yet miss the message. So, what can we do?
During a recent transition, being presented with another big decision made me want to crawl into a hole. The wisest counsel I received was to pause, to give myself time and space to breathe. Difficult transitions can be complicated by decision fatigue, “the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual after a long session (or in my case season) of decision making.” (Wikipedia). During these times why not linger a bit at the crossroads, allowing God’s unhurried wisdom and counsel to take over?
When we pause long enough and observe closely, we may find ourselves moving beyond merely looking at the fog and thus raising the stress level; we actually may begin seeing options and opportunities through the fog!
When it’s time to ask…
At some stage of transition we need to inquire. We need to ask for clarity, for direction.
Asking well requires the art of a waiting with a listening ear. Do you ever get annoyed when someone asks you a question but doesn't wait for the answer? My wife can tell you that I have a tendency of not stopping long enough to hear the answer to the question I'm asking, especially in decision fatigue moments. Thankfully she gives me more patience and grace than I deserve.
Ancient paths are the good ways. They are proven and trustworthy. but they are not necessarily the most well-worn. It takes courage, discipline and a sense of adventure in order to trod these paths (for more read Hebrews 11 in the Bible). Are we stopping long enough and with intentionality to see the best options, the God-honoring ones?
Walk in it…
Take it…the road that is. At some critical juncture we must heed the call to action. What will it take to walk in the path you are now destined for? Through the process of standing, observing and asking, you can reach the clarity and confidence to pursue new, unfamiliar paths. A personal guide awaits us,
“But I’ll take the hand of those who don’t know the way, who can’t see where they’re going. I’ll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I’ll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don’t fall into the ditch. These are the things I’ll be doing for them—sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.”
What do you need to move forward? Courage? Accountability? Rest?
Rest…
Believe it or not, this is really the goal of the whole process…to enter into rest, a quiet, unhurried confidence which has learned the secret of walking with the Creator through times of transition.
Moving forward at a crossroads is something that can be greatly enhanced by working with a life coach specializing in transitions. Need a supportive partner to journey with you in transition or know someone who does? Contact us HERE.
What is Your Go-To Theme?
Whether I'm in transition or not, my perspective has a direct influence on my approach to life, and my perspective is too often scarcity. Let me explain...
First things first. I'm making my book, Transition Companion, completely free on Amazon for three days only starting this Saturday! Snatch it up HERE
“Some of my biggest regrets during transition have revolved around missed opportunities with God, family, and friends. The problem was with my perspective. I was seeing transition as an obstacle to pass through as quickly as possible rather than an opportunity to experience God more deeply and make some memories with the ones I love.”
“My daddy said it best in his new book Transition Companion. It’s become my favorite morning read.”
The above quote from my book and comment from my daughter is taken from one of her recent Facebook posts. I was reminded of why I penned those words. It's because I so often find myself in a rush to get to the next thing, missing out on joy and peace in the moment. Whether I'm in transition or not, my perspective has a direct influence on my approach to life, and my perspective is too often scarcity. Let me explain.
I recently attended a webinar taught by Jerome Daley for life coaches who want to grow personally and professionally. The topic revolved around three big story themes by which we tend to measure our degree of satisfaction. These themes mirror our emotional programming for personal fulfillment. Where we land determines how "happy" we feel. The themes are:
Performance to Belonging
Scarcity to Abundance
Fear to Trust
The attendees were challenged to consider their personal go-to theme(s). The middle one was highlighted for me. So often I consider time as something scarce. There is never enough time, or so I've been programmed to think. But what if God, who operates out of a place of abundance, gives me more than enough time? What if He desires to give me this perspective, from His eternal timeline?
How might I structure my moments, my days, my week differently by going from a place of scarcity to abundance, as it relates to time?
I'm determined in 2017 to seek a perspective shift from scarcity to abundance. How about you? What is your go-to theme? And how might you move from one end of the spectrum to the other in the new year?
With gratitude,
P.S. A reminder to grab a free copy of my book Transition Companion, this Saturday thru Monday only! I simply ask that you share this blog or my book with somebody who could use some encouragement.
Transition's Final Word
Life is not all about transition, but it can seem so at times. Some transition seasons feel all-consuming. Here's a few raw and random thoughts and tips as I summarize the final chapter of my transition journey...
“Usually I am so immersed in what I do that I know myself only in relation to it.”
Life is not all about transition. Really? Most of us who are going through the turbulent waters of change may not agree with that statement. Transition does seem all-consuming at times. Here's a few raw and random thoughts and tips as I seek to summarize my transition journey...
Laugh it off.
My wife and I recently had a good laugh together as we took stock of our physical conditions following our most recent international move. Sore feet, aching backs, and overall physical and emotional exhaustion ironically had us laughing as we compared notes. We've also shared lots of silliness and laughter at the dinner table with our kids. A sense of humor is an invaluable asset when everything in life that can shake and shift does so, sometimes all at once.
Normalize it.
Emotional and physical stress are two sides of the transition coin. The combination of the two can result in unusual manifestations. Personally, I've been known to say incoherent things and act rather strangely. While in transition's tight grip, I've had friends, colleagues and family confused and bewildered. Admit it. You can relate to my confession. It helps just to be aware, to normalize the fact that transition pushes our buttons in strange and mysterious ways.
Be Done with it.
As I sit here writing somewhere over the Atlantic I can't tell you how relieved I’m feeling. Partly because I'm prone to bouts of worry through long transitions. It feels good to be moving on to a new set of concerns. Also partly because I'm an internal processor and I'm feeling like this piece of who I am has been taxed to the limit. I've done all the processing I can handle...for now. It's time to watch some movies on the screen built into the seat in front of me and let all the processing fall by the wayside. Is that even possible? I think not.
Recover and Regroup.
I guess what I'm saying is this: After all the change and uncertainty, I'm looking forward to a little less internal work and more outward expression of what the change has wrought in me. I want to be done with transition for a while. I want to recover and regroup, partly because I know change is inevitable and it won't be long before a new kind of transition comes my way. One that is uniquely designed by God for my growth and will somehow contribute to the bigger picture that only He understands.
Maintain in the Middle.
Maintaining some semblance of routine serves as a counterweight when big changes come our way. There is no better way to maintain some degree of stability and balance than by holding on to as much normalcy as possible. It's not only about dealing with and preparing for change; it's about continuing to live life well right in the middle of it. Here's a few healthy habits which have served to keep me grounded while juggling the many balls of transition:
- Family dinners together as much as possible, sprinkled with a good dose of laughter.
- Friday dinner and movie dates as a couple.
- Predictable morning routine, which for me means scripture reading, writing, walking the dog, and coffee!
- Family game or movie night once per week.
What routines have you been able to maintain while simultaneously working through change?
By the way, thanks to my wife, children, friends, mentors and coaches who have walked this inward journey with me. God has used you to shape my character and refine my calling. It's when I'm with you, in the moment, that I feel grounded and less prone to worry about all the unknowns.
“The span between life as we intend it and life as we receive it is vast. Our true purpose is worked out in that gap. It is fashioned in the crucible of interruptions.”
This transition season has been one of the longest and difficult, yet most rewarding holy interruptions of my life. A purposeful gap in between life's more predictable seasons.
Cheering you on in your transition,