Resilience: Challenging the Status Quo

When talking about resilience, I’ll sometimes use the illustration of a rubber ball that bounces back, or a rubber band that gets stretched then quickly returns to its original shape. These comparisons can be helpful. Who doesn’t want to lessen recovery time following a traumatic event, for example? However, from a forward-looking, growth-minded perspective resilience is so much more.

From a biblical worldview, we are called to participate in trials and suffering. As a result we are changed. When we allow ourselves to be shaped and formed in life’s struggles, we grow in resilience. In this way resilience takes us beyond a return to some original state or the status quo. It’s surrendering to a growth process. And in so doing, resilience becomes a transformative, dynamic work.

“Being resilient does not restore the status quo in your life, springing back to the way it was but, rather, what you have learned from tackling the adversity changes you for the better and helps you become more keenly aware of what is important in your life.” —Neenan and Dryden, Developing Resilience

As you go through hardship and struggle, how are you being changed? Are you becoming more aware of your values and priorities? Are you leveraging the learning opportunities and becoming a better person?More present? More qualified to equip and encourage others?

Questions for Reflection:

• What circumstances might you be in right now that are touching on and quite possibly irritating you internally?

• In what ways might those circumstances actually be refining some aspect of who you are?

And as you take a moment to consider those questions, also remember…

“Sometimes when you're in a dark place you think you've been buried, but you've actually been planted.” —Christine Caine, Undaunted

Challenge the status quo! Unpack your challenging season with one of my debriefing coaching packages. I provide personalized, 1:1 coaching sessions to give you the space you need to sort through a season of intensity, capture insights, and move forward with intentionality.

Pursuing Purpose, Prioritizing Relationship

“When can I meet with God?” was a cry of the sons of Korah in Psalm 42. I can guarantee the songwriter wasn’t looking at his watch when he penned those words. He was reflecting on the condition of his soul. How do you sustain the practice of meeting with God while trying to reach both personal and professional goals? The balance between your hopes and dreams and meeting with God is a delicate one. But one thing we know for sure: meeting with God is the source fruitful undertaking. Our life purpose is grounded in relationship. A healthy identity is rooted in it. Yet the struggle is very real.

My personal experience living and working cross-culturally has highlighted this…

My early years in Central Asia were heavy on the objective side. I thought I was fulfilling my purpose by doing things for God. My sense of identity was connected mostly to the work I was doing. My identity somewhat unraveled when I transitioned because the “assignment” was terminated. Or so I thought. Shortly after the transition, I searched for ways to replace the pursuit of purpose through other areas of focus, such as coaching, pastoring, podcasting, and writing. A perceived loss of identity motivated me to pursue and regain a “for God” posture instead of a “with God” posture, something author Skye Jethani talks about in his book With (a good read by the way). I slowly realized this approach is not sustainable.

It doesn’t lead to the abundant life God has saved me for.

Purposeful work is part of our callings, but certainly not the foundation. The bedrock is relationship, embodied in this cry:

“My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?” - Psalms‬

And so my prayer has become, “Lord may I prioritize meeting with You over and above my assignment for You.”

Skye continues to make his point…

“He (the Apostle Paul) understood that his calling (to be a messenger to the Gentiles) was not the same as his treasure (to be united with Christ). His communion with Christ rooted and preceded his work for him.”
– With, Reimagining the Way you Relate to God, Skye Jethani

Transitions have a way of messing with our sense of identity, purpose and calling. At the same time transition can be a wonderful opportunity to re-orient ourselves to what really matters. Working with a transitions coach can help you process and prioritize toward a successful transition.

Let’s have a conversation!

Book a call me

I leave you with The Message version of Psalm 42:1-3 and some reflection questions…

“A white-tailed deer drinks from the creek; I want to drink God, deep draughts of God. I’m thirsty for God-alive. I wonder, “Will I ever make it— arrive and drink in God’s presence?” I’m on a diet of tears— tears for breakfast, tears for supper. All day long people knock at my door, Pestering, “Where is this God of yours?””
- Psalms 42:1-3

For reflection:
Think of a time when you were extremely parched. How desperate did you feel for a drink? Have you ever felt that desperate for God? Describe the intense longing. Isaac was a well digger (Genesis 26). His survival depended on it wherever he went. If one dried up he dug another.

What are some wells which have dried up for you, and why?

How and where could you dig some new wells in this season of transition…wells that lend themselves to meeting with God?

Soul-Care from the Cave

Read: I Samuel 22:1-2; Psalm 142 What does it look like to care for our own souls when hope feels like a distant memory? When what was promised is not delivered? David, forced to flee from a raging king, had made his temporary home in an abandoned cave. Bad news was imminent. Saul and his army were in hot pursuit, ready to take his life.

David was no stranger to caves. But this cave was more than a place of shelter for a tired shepherd boy. It was a place where he would learn resilience- how to relate to God in times of deep loss and confusion. How to steady his feet on God's promises and forge ahead with hope. Here are some ways we can learn, like David, to practice soul-care in the cave:

• Talk to God about your trouble. We can be brutally honest here. God is wise and sensitive, NOT fragile. He can handle our lists of complaints. I recently became extremely frustrated with a situation I was having to deal with. I was angry at others and God for not having solved my problems. In my frustration I said, "Leave me alone God!  Lay off!" Those words surprised me as they came out of my mouth.  I realized, however, that God was not shocked; he did not retreat. Those weren't the only words I said as I poured out my heart to Him. He heard every raw, gut-level complaint, and he loves me just the same. David said, "I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him" (Psalm 142:2). We can tell God anything. He can't break and he won't run away.
• Know He Knows. We can be assured that God knows the exact place we're in and the trajectory we're on. He knows. From inside the cave, there is a lot we can't see, much we don't know. Our vision and perspective may be limited by things outside of our control. But rather than feeling forced into a corner by our limited understanding, we can choose to take advantage of the opportunities the cave gives to relate, reflect and regroup. There is a knowing which comes from this. We begin to say with David, "When my spirit faints within me, you know my way (Psalm 142:3). Yes, He certainly does.
• Give people the benefit of the doubt. People aren't always going to be in a position to help us. We come to seasons in life when nobody seems to understand or care. Those who try to help may give simple answers to complex questions. They just don't understand. This season in the cave is between us and God. That should release us from placing the burden of making it better on anyone else, and to accept them for who they are, not what they can or cannot do about our situation. David despaired, "there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul." (Psalm 142:4) Fortunately that's not true all of the time. Just sometimes, and often in the cave.

I love how David ends his psalm in hope:

Bring me out of prison, that I may give thanks to your name! The righteous will surround me, for you will deal bountifully with me. - Psalm 142:7

I'm still learning the value of the cave, the treasures which God reserves for me when I'm willing to sit in the dark with Him for a season. How do you find ways to care for your soul in life's darker seasons? I'd love to add a few more strategies to my list.

Prayer: Jesus was sent into the wilderness (Matthew 4:1). David was forced into a cave. Whether I'm being sent to the hard places or feel forced into them by circumstances beyond my control, help me to know that You know my way. May I learn life-transforming lessons while walking with You in difficult times.

Image Source: http://all-free-download.com/free-photos/download/joseph_wright_art_artistic_218722.html