Coaching Through Failure

Goals are hard to set, much less achieve, when we struggle with a sense of failure. Even as I prepare to write this post I find myself struggling to believe, in light of my shortcomings, that I have something valuable to give to the world of Christian coaching. While failure, real or perceived, is not always immobilizing, it can be one thing which keeps us stuck and unable to move toward our dreams, desires and goals. Thankfully, it does not have to be. Someone has said, "Failure is not a statement about you. It’s a statement about what happened." While that is true in one sense, we can't deny that failure impacts deeply and personally. As coaches, how can we help those we serve overcome obstacles rooted in failure?

1. Confront False Perceptions. Perceived failure can wreak havoc with identity. When we allow failure to be the lens through which we see ourselves, God and others, the truth is exchanged for lies. The coach can help combat these false perceptions by asking questions such as, Where did that thought come from? What if God had more to say about this event? If you could hear, really hear, what God is saying about you in this moment, what might that sound like? 

In other words, what does God have to say about your client in the coaching session? What are some questions which can help them confront false self-perceptions which have built up over time and to find rest and contentment in God's acceptance and approval?

2. Take Time to Process. As time passes we often become aware of the back story surrounding our perceived failures.  These can be clues to God's grand design, only visible in hindsight. This new understanding brings fresh perspective, which then becomes some of the raw material we use to overcome failure and ensure future success. As coaches, we come alongside with acceptance, affirmation, and lots of good questions to walk our clients through this process of discovery.

Outside the coaching session, your client may need to go a step further by processing with a trusted friend or spouse. Whether we are coaching  someone through failure or the fear of failure, it's critical that we allow time for the rich and productive work of processing.

3. Re-Define Success. When we returned to the states following 16 years of service in Central Asia, I began struggling with the weight of failure. I had made some ministry decisions which kept our family apart for unhealthy periods of time. This led to a lifestyle which contradicted one of my core values of putting family first. As we processed this together, my wife and I realized that we needed to change things up in a way which allowed us to live out of those values. That meant extracting ourselves from work commitments to ensure more time together as a family. It was a painful yet necessary decision.

Over time, the sense of failure has been replaced by an awareness that success goes way beyond always making the right decisions. Success is about a willingness to re-discover who we are in light of God's truth and to re-align ourselves with our core values.

Go on. Take the First Step.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."  - Winston Churchill

Fear of failure can be overcome by taking the first step toward our dreams and goals. As we challenge our clients to take action, providing a healthy dose of encouragement and affirmation along the way, we can help them gain the courage they need to defeat fear and overcome failure.

Source Image: http://www.innocentive.com/blog/2013/10/28/why-embracing-failure-can-fuel-innovation/

Delusional Pigeons

I used to raise pigeons as a teenager, so I have a fairly good understanding of their behavior. But today I was given a reminder. As the bus I was riding on came to a standstill in traffic, I spotted out my window a group of pigeons. One little fellow in particular caught my eye. He was strutting around the others (I assume they were females) showing his manly pigeon figure and colorful array of feathers. The other pigeons seemed to be ignoring him as they picked and scratched at the ground for whatever it was they were eating. His efforts to draw attention to himself seemed in vain. Was he delusional or just very hopeful?

While I pondered the pigeons, the verse came to me, "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you." (Romans 12:3)

I wonder, how many times have I tried to draw attention to myself while the world around me goes about its business? Have I fallen into moments of "delusion", trying to conjure up some false image of myself to impress others?  It's so easy to get caught up in appearances and lose sight of who we are in Christ. It's time to let His image in us be that which grounds us emotionally and speaks to others spiritually. Our opinion and beliefs about ourselves must represent what God says; anything less is delusional, a break from reality.

Prayer: Dear Lord, my efforts to be noticed may or may not show on the outside, but you know my heart.  I receive the grace you have already given to me, in order that I might have a realistic opinion of myself and an unwavering trust in you.