Seasonal Friendships

 I was mostly fine growing up with one or two good friends. I say mostly fine because no doubt I could have benefited from having more friends. When there was a friendship deficit in my life, I spent more time fishing and hunting, just me and my dog. That was before I grew up and moved off to college, leaving my dog, shotgun and fishing pole behind.

Fast forward a few decades later. I've been reminded of the value of friendship, particularly having a friend or two with whom I can have open, authentic conversations. Someone to whom I've given permission to speak into my life, even if what they say is hard to hear.

I currently have this level of friendship in my life, both with my wife and a couple of guys. I have to be intentional about opening up. It's not always easy, and sometimes I wait too long. I'm still learning. 

David and Jonathan were blessed with authentic friendship (1 Samuel 18:1-4). They embraced, shared their feelings for each other, and supported and defended one another. They opened up to each other. And they were real men. 

A good friend is both a gift and a tool for spiritual formation in our lives (Proverbs 27:6,17). But how do cross-cultural workers living with constant transition find and keep them? 

One way is to cultivate seasonal friendships. If you've lived in the transient expat community for any amount of time, you are well acquainted with goodbyes. You have them rehearsed. Then there's the new faces who move into the community. How do I find the capacity to reach out to one more person who might not even be interested in cultivating a friendship with me? Worse yet, what if we really hit it off? Yet another painful goodbye down the road.

For what it's worth, here's what I've learned after 20 years living overseas: seasonal friendships are God's provision. They keep us from the dangers of disengagement and isolation. They are a means to smart soul care which leads to emotional health and spiritual vitality.

Some of our friendships may be seasonal in terms of proximity, but they hold the potential to become enduring, lifelong relationships. In this sense, when we invest in a seasonal friendship we are investing for tomorrow. So go ahead and engage...again. If you're patient, the return on your investment may just surprise you! 

By the way, once in a while I go back to picking up my fishing pole or shotgun, with dog in tow. Maybe my next post will be about healthy ways to disengage!

Source Thumbnail Image: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/F/friendship/

When God Hides

 “Truly, you are a God who hides himself, O God of Israel, the Savior.” -‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭45:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

My dog can become frantic when she loses the scent of a rabbit or some other creature trying to elude her. With her nose to the ground she zig-zags through through the overgrown brush and weeds seeking the scent which originally started her on her quest.

Does God ever intentionally seek to elude us by going down some rabbit trail, a path familiar to him, yet strange to us with its twists and turns? If so, how are we to handle these seasons of God "hiding"? And how can we coach others through these times, helping them to maintain perspective and hope?

Personally, I've come to seasons in life when God seems to be hiding, distant and beyond reach. I somehow lose the "scent" which attracted me to His call in the beginning. At one point I was hot on the trail, only to discover the place or situation I now find myself in is disturbingly void of His presence. Doubt invading my heart and mind, I wonder, Was I chasing the wrong thing altogether?

Much of the confusion we deal with when God seems to be hiding is connected to our perspective. The following tips can help us and our clients discover that God is not playing a cruel game of hide and seek, nor has He forgotten. Rather, God's hiding is:

1. Temporary- This is a simple yet powerful reminder when one is feeling ignored by God. Some good coaching questions may be, How have seasons similar to the one you're now experiencing turned out in the past? In what ways have you known God to be faithful? What hopeful outcome can you envision on the other side of this trial?

2. An Invitation- When God seems absent, I like to think that He is inviting us into His own version of "hide and seek." A disillusioned individual may need to be reminded of God's invitation with questions such as, In this challenging season, what new thing might God be inviting you into? What about His character is he waiting to show you?

3. Purposeful- Upon receiving word that Lazarus was sick and dying, Jesus stayed away two more days (John 11:6). From this and other examples in scripture we see that God, at times, denies our cries for immediate relief in order to accomplish His greater purposes. Our clients may be challenged by the question, How might God want to use His silence in your life now in order to fulfill His greater purposes later?

Let's Never Forget

Whether the trail has become cold due to some wrong turn of our own, or whether God is purposely staying out of sight for a time, one thing is sure: He is never far off. He may hide, but He has promised to never leave or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5-6).

Photo Source: Bill Buckley, fieldandstream.com

The Authentic Coach

As a follower of Jesus and a Life Coach, I'm sometimes challenged by the question of how to promote the types of services I offer. What methods work best with my personality type? How can I avoid the pitfalls of self-promotion while sharing my story? I believe these concerns arise from a desire to be a person of character, to honor God in all I do.While as Christian coaches our goal is not merely to gain a following, don't we all want to be surrounded by people who believe in us and speak highly of the service we offer? This begs the question, How can we live out and communicate who we are and what we do with integrity?

The Draw of Character.  While reflecting on the life of David, I came upon the following verse: And everyone who was in distress, and everyone who was in debt, and everyone who was bitter in soul, gathered to him. And he became commander over them. And there were with him about four hundred men. (‭1 Samuel‬ ‭22‬:‭2‬ ESV)‬‬‬ An instant following of 400 men...Not bad. Of course, David had already achieved hero status in the land. In fact, his fame was a big reason he was running from a raging king. What kind of men publicly associate with a guy hunted by a jealous king? In those days, potential followers couldn't simply hit the "like" or "follow" button. A greater, riskier amount of buy-in was necessary. One could assume these men had nothing to lose and therefore threw in their lot with David, but I believe they unashamedly rallied around him for certain reasons, much related to character.

1. David had a credible story. People want to follow a person of integrity, whose actions give them credibility. In David's case, it was often the testimonies of others that added to his credibility (1 Samuel 18:7; 21:11; 29:5). These people, from kings to paupers, told David's story, bolstering his good name in the land. What are others, particularly those we coach or mentor, saying about us? Are their testimonies helping our hurting our cause? As we encourage our clients to share their stories in the coaching session, what are some ways we can encourage them to tell our story as well? Do they know enough to tell it? While we can't control what others think or say about us, we can live out our stories in a Christ honoring manner, adding credibility to our character.

2. David lived out his values. He excelled at being a great warrior in King Saul's army and a loyal friend to Jonathan, the King's son. Honesty, loyalty, and courage were high on David's list of core values. He was convinced of these priorities for his life. As he invested his time and energy into these causes and relationships, his authenticity shined. Like David, living out our values may attract opposition and bring us some grief and difficulties. During these times, we might even question whether our approach is worth the effort. As our stories unfold, however, God will uphold our cause and establish us with a good name in the land.

3. David was his authentic self. What David offered was much more than a product or service. He gave his authentic self. He made himself vulnerable and transparent before God and those he trusted. That authenticity was judged as foolishness to some (2 Samuel 6:20-22), but ultimately it proved a strong foundation to his leadership. While what we offer as a service is important, the primary thing we give people is our authentic selves. We may feel inexperienced and ill-equipped to give our clients the support they need, but it's reassuring to remember we are offering much more than a service; we offer a relationship grounded in God's love and acceptance. Authenticity, including transparency and vulnerability, goes a long way in gaining the trust of our clients.

4. David met needs. Represented among David's ragtag group of followers were needs for community, purpose, protection, and hope, just to name a few. Likewise, our clients come to us with needs. Unmet needs can bring them to a place of feeling desperate. This doesn't seem like a great reason to follow someone at first, but people often choose out of desperation. Nothing else has worked. They have no creative solutions. Why not give this new option a try? What needs am I seeking to meet in the lives of those I serve through a coaching relationship? In other words, how will they be served if they work with me? What difference will it make?

Grounded in Character The authentic coach holds the power to draw people and resources into their circle of influence. Voltaire stated, "With great power comes great responsibility." How we harness the power of marketing, for example, is no small thing! Our character and integrity are at stake when we go down the marketing trail. Whatever methods we choose to implement, may we be constantly reminded that man looks on the outward appearance, but God sees the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7).