Forever Friends and Random Places We've Lived
The ups and downs of transition are a good time to honor memories of people and places with a spirit of gratitude, to anchor ourselves in some part of our past when the future is uncertain.
Every day I ascend and descend that set of stairs in our home multiple times. Bedroom to bathroom to kitchen to family room, and all over again. Up and down. Down and up. But today it was different. I noticed something. I paused long enough to be reminded that sometimes, especially in transition, I lose sight of what's really important.
My wife thinks about everything. Looking back with gratitude is one of her strengths, and she finds creative ways to help even a nomadic family like ours to be grateful for the roots we do have. One example is the Places We Have Lived poster hung at the top of the staircase, a collection of random addresses which holds significance for us because we lived at that house number, on that street, in that town, for a season. Could have been 6 months or 6 years. Regardless, the address has a place on the poster, and in our hearts. That's what greets me at the top of the stairs.
I have some good friends back in the states who are really great about staying good friends. If you've ever lived far away from your homeland you know what I'm talking about. These are friends who make the effort to stay connected even though they live busy lives thousands of miles away.
Last year, following a trip to visit us in Turkey, they sent us a poster-sized collection of photos from our time together. It is titled "Forever Friends." The framed collage is hung at the other end of the staircase, opposite the Places We Have Lived poster. That's what greets me at the bottom of the stairs - a reminder that special people in our lives give meaning and significance to those addresses at the top of the stairs.
Two views from the stairs. One as I go up. One as I come down.
Both my wife and my friends have something in common. They know the importance of memories. They love to savor them and seal them up for a rainy day when the soul needs some encouragement. The ups and downs of transition are a good time to honor memories of people and places with a spirit of gratitude, to anchor ourselves in some part of our past when the future is uncertain.
“Memory is identity. Memory grounds us in who we are, where we’ve come from. Memory shapes us and guides us...Future identity and destiny, in other words, flower from a remembrance of things past.”
Think of the places you have lived. What kinds of feelings emerge? How could you honor those memories and the relationships connected with them? How might that help you move forward in your transition time?
“Remember those earlier days...So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.” -Hebrews 10:32, 35 NIV
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Seasonal Friendships
How do I find the capacity to reach out to one more person who might not even be interested in cultivating a friendship with me? Worse yet, what if we really hit it off? Yet another painful goodbye down the road.
I was mostly fine growing up with one or two good friends. I say mostly fine because no doubt I could have benefited from having more friends. When there was a friendship deficit in my life, I spent more time fishing and hunting, just me and my dog. That was before I grew up and moved off to college, leaving my dog, shotgun and fishing pole behind.
Fast forward a few decades later. I've been reminded of the value of friendship, particularly having a friend or two with whom I can have open, authentic conversations. Someone to whom I've given permission to speak into my life, even if what they say is hard to hear.
I currently have this level of friendship in my life, both with my wife and a couple of guys. I have to be intentional about opening up. It's not always easy, and sometimes I wait too long. I'm still learning.
David and Jonathan were blessed with authentic friendship (1 Samuel 18:1-4). They embraced, shared their feelings for each other, and supported and defended one another. They opened up to each other. And they were real men.
A good friend is both a gift and a tool for spiritual formation in our lives (Proverbs 27:6,17). But how do cross-cultural workers living with constant transition find and keep them?
One way is to cultivate seasonal friendships. If you've lived in the transient expat community for any amount of time, you are well acquainted with goodbyes. You have them rehearsed. Then there's the new faces who move into the community. How do I find the capacity to reach out to one more person who might not even be interested in cultivating a friendship with me? Worse yet, what if we really hit it off? Yet another painful goodbye down the road.
For what it's worth, here's what I've learned after 20 years living overseas: seasonal friendships are God's provision. They keep us from the dangers of disengagement and isolation. They are a means to smart soul care which leads to emotional health and spiritual vitality.
Some of our friendships may be seasonal in terms of proximity, but they hold the potential to become enduring, lifelong relationships. In this sense, when we invest in a seasonal friendship we are investing for tomorrow. So go ahead and engage...again. If you're patient, the return on your investment may just surprise you!
By the way, once in a while I go back to picking up my fishing pole or shotgun, with dog in tow. Maybe my next post will be about healthy ways to disengage!
Source Thumbnail Image: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/F/friendship/