Soul-Care from the Cave

Read: I Samuel 22:1-2; Psalm 142 What does it look like to care for our own souls when hope feels like a distant memory? When what was promised is not delivered? David, forced to flee from a raging king, had made his temporary home in an abandoned cave. Bad news was imminent. Saul and his army were in hot pursuit, ready to take his life.

David was no stranger to caves. But this cave was more than a place of shelter for a tired shepherd boy. It was a place where he would learn resilience- how to relate to God in times of deep loss and confusion. How to steady his feet on God's promises and forge ahead with hope. Here are some ways we can learn, like David, to practice soul-care in the cave:

• Talk to God about your trouble. We can be brutally honest here. God is wise and sensitive, NOT fragile. He can handle our lists of complaints. I recently became extremely frustrated with a situation I was having to deal with. I was angry at others and God for not having solved my problems. In my frustration I said, "Leave me alone God!  Lay off!" Those words surprised me as they came out of my mouth.  I realized, however, that God was not shocked; he did not retreat. Those weren't the only words I said as I poured out my heart to Him. He heard every raw, gut-level complaint, and he loves me just the same. David said, "I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him" (Psalm 142:2). We can tell God anything. He can't break and he won't run away.
• Know He Knows. We can be assured that God knows the exact place we're in and the trajectory we're on. He knows. From inside the cave, there is a lot we can't see, much we don't know. Our vision and perspective may be limited by things outside of our control. But rather than feeling forced into a corner by our limited understanding, we can choose to take advantage of the opportunities the cave gives to relate, reflect and regroup. There is a knowing which comes from this. We begin to say with David, "When my spirit faints within me, you know my way (Psalm 142:3). Yes, He certainly does.
• Give people the benefit of the doubt. People aren't always going to be in a position to help us. We come to seasons in life when nobody seems to understand or care. Those who try to help may give simple answers to complex questions. They just don't understand. This season in the cave is between us and God. That should release us from placing the burden of making it better on anyone else, and to accept them for who they are, not what they can or cannot do about our situation. David despaired, "there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul." (Psalm 142:4) Fortunately that's not true all of the time. Just sometimes, and often in the cave.

I love how David ends his psalm in hope:

Bring me out of prison, that I may give thanks to your name! The righteous will surround me, for you will deal bountifully with me. - Psalm 142:7

I'm still learning the value of the cave, the treasures which God reserves for me when I'm willing to sit in the dark with Him for a season. How do you find ways to care for your soul in life's darker seasons? I'd love to add a few more strategies to my list.

Prayer: Jesus was sent into the wilderness (Matthew 4:1). David was forced into a cave. Whether I'm being sent to the hard places or feel forced into them by circumstances beyond my control, help me to know that You know my way. May I learn life-transforming lessons while walking with You in difficult times.

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Five Benefits of Healthy Goodbyes

Arrivals and Departures. Tearful goodbyes to loved ones, awkward hellos to complete strangers. Quite the collection of emotional hoops we jump through. For those of us serving cross culturally and just about anyone facing a major transition, this goes with the territory. Personally I’ve never been very good at the goodbyes, but we've had some wins in this area thanks mostly to my wife's intentionality. Research and personal experience reveal just how critical healthy goodbyes are to the transition process. Yes, even for the introverts among us who would rather board the plane and save the goodbyes for later! 

Here are five benefits of healthy goodbyes:

1. Healthy Goodbyes Help Us Move On

One of the surest ways to become stuck in a new season is to be unintentional about saying meaningful goodbyes in our current season. Let's face it, goodbyes can be really hard. This is especially true when the chapter drawing to a close has been difficult and prolonged. We may be tempted to keep the farewells to a superficial level or avoid them altogether. When we choose this route, we carry unnecessary baggage into the future. We fail to move on emotionally and spiritually. Healthy goodbyes set us up for success by reducing the emotional baggage we might otherwise carry into the next season.

2. Healthy Goodbyes Help Others Move On

In a personal transition, what could it look like to prioritize friends, colleagues and loved ones who are deeply impacted by our leaving? Those who stay have just as much need to process their stuff by means of healthy goodbyes. We can help them move on when we allow them the opportunity to say goodbye, even if we don't feel a need for a particular goodbye ourselves. Healthy goodbyes help those who stay move on emotionally and spiritually.

3. Healthy Goodbyes Help us Focus on What Really Matters

When I was preparing to leave Central Asia after a 15 year tenure, a local friend approached me in order to say goodbye. As we met, this brother went the extra mile to encourage and affirm me. At the time, I didn't think our relationship was close enough to warrant such expressions of gratitude and affirmation. Now, he is one of my first points of contact whenever I return for a visit. Meaningful goodbyes build upon whatever relationship we may have with the other individual. They don't subtract from it. Why? Because the focus is on what the other person needs. I needed the encouragement and affirmation at that point in time, and this brother was sensitive and intentional enough to recognize that. I mattered to him.

4. Healthy Goodbyes Keep the Doors Open

Does the thought of returning to a particular place in your past hit a raw nerve now? Most likely those feelings will not last forever. Eventually you may desire to return to a place, even one that's filled with difficult memories. We change. People, places and organizations change. Why burn bridges at the cost of relationships and opportunities which God may have a plan for in the distant future? Healthy goodbyes help keep those bridges intact.

5. Healthy Goodbyes Prepare us for Healthy Hellos

This is the fruit of being able to move forward without the unnecessary baggage, being able to go into the next season with a positive attitude and approach to relationships. What our your expectations for the next, new season?  How can saying meaningful goodbyes now set you up for success later?

These are just a few of the benefits to saying healthy, meaningful goodbyes. 

One more thought. Mostly, we talk about saying our goodbyes. But have you ever thought about praying them? My wife recently read a book entitled Praying our Goodbyes. I asked her what she thought about it. She said it helped broaden her understanding of the process of farewells and outlined some really helpful prayers we can use based on the type of goodbye we are dealing with. If you're going through a significant transition and/or grieving a loss, I encourage you to pick up a copy of this book HERE.

Crossroads and the Big Decisions

God’s way, I've come to realize, is transition. 
Oh, it feels different each time. Sometimes change hits us abruptly, with no warning whatsoever. Or it can be subtle, like the first signs of fall after a long summer. Transition can serve as a boot camp of sorts, preparing us for some bold new adventure. Sometimes mostly outward circumstances change. Other times big internal shifts take place, impacting core values, identity and purpose.

One thing is certain: transitions lead us to the crossroads of decision.

Recently, on the heels of a major transition, I came across this invitation from scripture:

“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’”

— Jeremiah 6:16, NIV

Take Time to Stand…

Transitions are opportunities to stand between the juncture of two or more paths and consider the options. A posture of stillness prepares us to see what we may otherwise not see and to make navigational adjustments while it’s not too late. Fools rush in, so the saying goes. Nonetheless one part of me wants to heed the world’s urgent call to action, “Don't just stand there, do something!”
Standing, in one sense, is stopping long enough to make sense of it all.
Our fast-paced culture tends to downplay the need for disciplines like stillness and solitude. But what if there is more heroism in the act of standing than we would dare to think?  When we take time to put on the brakes and to stand at a crossroads we are more likely to end up in a good place when it’s all said and done...

“Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet.”

— Ephesians 6:13, The Message

Look Again. What do you See?

There is more to the process than simply stopping. It's possible to stop and stand at a crossroads yet miss the message. So, what can we do? 
During a recent transition, being presented with another big decision made me want to crawl into a hole. The wisest counsel I received was to pause, to give myself time and space to breathe. Difficult transitions can be complicated by decision fatigue, “the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual after a long session (or in my case season) of decision making.” (Wikipedia). During these times why not linger a bit at the crossroads, allowing God’s unhurried wisdom and counsel to take over?
When we pause long enough and observe closely, we may find ourselves moving beyond merely looking at the fog and thus raising the stress level; we actually may begin seeing options and opportunities through the fog!

When it’s time to ask… 

At some stage of transition we need to inquire. We need to ask for clarity, for direction.
Asking well requires the art of a waiting with a listening ear. Do you ever get annoyed when someone asks you a question but doesn't wait for the answer? My wife can tell you that I have a tendency of not stopping long enough to hear the answer to the question I'm asking, especially in decision fatigue moments. Thankfully she gives me more patience and grace than I deserve.

Ancient paths are the good ways. They are proven and trustworthy. but they are not necessarily the most well-worn. It takes courage, discipline and a sense of adventure in order to trod these paths (for more read Hebrews 11 in the Bible).  Are we stopping long enough and with intentionality to see the best options, the God-honoring ones? 

Walk in it…

Take it…the road that is. At some critical juncture we must heed the call to action. What will it take to walk in the path you are now destined for? Through the process of standing, observing and asking, you can reach the clarity and confidence to pursue new, unfamiliar paths. A personal guide awaits us,

“But I’ll take the hand of those who don’t know the way, who can’t see where they’re going. I’ll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I’ll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don’t fall into the ditch. These are the things I’ll be doing for them—sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.”

— Isaiah 42:16, The Message

What do you need to move forward? Courage? Accountability? Rest?

Rest…

Believe it or not, this is really the goal of the whole process…to enter into rest, a quiet, unhurried confidence which has learned the secret of walking with the Creator through times of transition.

Moving forward at a crossroads is something that can be greatly enhanced by working with a life coach specializing in transitions. Need a supportive partner to journey with you in transition or know someone who does? Contact us HERE.