Anchor Points

Transitions bring disruption and upheaval. In transition seasons we may come to a point where we no longer recognize our lives. The steadiness and stability we once knew seems distant and out of reach. We want to hold on through the winds and waves of change, but to what? What is there to cling to?

It’s easy to give up on the idea of maintaining structure and routine through transition seasons. What’s the use anyway? Constant change will just sabotage my efforts. And so, we let the current of transition take us where it will, with the hope that we won’t drift too far or, worse yet, drown in the process.

What if we could build some intentionality into the process of change? How could it help us stay more grounded, hopeful, and purposeful through the uncertainty of it all?

I’d like to share some insights I’ve gathered along the way, particularly as it relates to building structure and routine into these times of uncertainty. I’ll be referring to them as anchor points, but other useful language could be holds or non-negotiables.

WHAT ARE YOUR ANCHOR POINTS?

Anchor points can be anything we do to create a sense of stability in the messiness and uncertainty of change. They mostly center around rhythms of rest, routines and relationships. They are intentional ways we want to steward time and leverage opportunities for overall health and growth.

I see anchor points as non-negotiables, with the expectation that flexibility will be necessary while navigating transition. Imagine pulling up the anchor, rowing to another spot, then anchoring down once again. Our weekly date night gets disrupted. What other options do we have for quality time together? My morning quiet time needs to shift. No worries. Tomorrow is a new day. Actually, I have a one-hour window this evening. Win!

It’s usually better to tweak a non-negotiable than to give up on it altogether. Yes, God gives us do-overs, restarts and second chances. Do you see a grace principle at work here?

Having anchor points reminds us that we are not defined merely by the changes taking place. We are more than that. Even though transition can challenge one’s sense of identity and purpose, God can also use it to remind us of who we are in Him. That’s such a stabilizing force!

Anchor points play a critical role in building the muscle of resilience. It’s a balancing act for sure. We adapt and flex with the changes around us, even while staying committed to rhythms and routines which ground us. In this way, transition can take on its own unique cadence designed by God uniquely for us, for a season.

Here’s a few ways to establish anchor points in transition seasons…

• Focus on what you CAN do instead of what you can’t. Limitations are real in transition. Capacity can be lower, options more limited. But at the same time, it can be a very creative season, allowing us to explore and experiment with out-of-the-box ideas and practices, which in turn can become new anchor points, at least for a season.

• Reflect and re-anchor weekly, if not daily. Priorities tend to change more frequently in transition. Decision fatigue can set in. To remain grounded and focused on what matters most, it’s important to pause and re-order priorities prayerfully and regularly. I like to sit down weekly and ask myself a series of questions, something I call Reflection Point. Feel free to download these questions HERE and use them or some variation of them if you find it helpful.

• Focus on being, not just doing. This can be especially helpful when we find ourselves in prolonged holding patterns, with not a whole lot to do. Following 20 years of life overseas and facing a big transition, I faced an identity struggle. Who was I apart from the roles and titles that defined me all those years? By focusing on God’s invitation to be with him and to define myself in new ways based on my relationship to Him, I was able to let go of a false sense of identity and become more anchored in what really matters.

Do you have anchor points that have helped you navigate transition? I’d love to hear from you.

As you reflect on this post, what comes to mind? What are some ways you tend to drift in transition? What are some routines and rhythms that could help you stay anchored?

Looking for a transitions coach with a proven track record of helping his clients successfully navigate change? Schedule your discovery call HERE.

Resilience: Challenging the Status Quo

When talking about resilience, I’ll sometimes use the illustration of a rubber ball that bounces back, or a rubber band that gets stretched then quickly returns to its original shape. These comparisons can be helpful. Who doesn’t want to lessen recovery time following a traumatic event, for example? However, from a forward-looking, growth-minded perspective resilience is so much more.

From a biblical worldview, we are called to participate in trials and suffering. As a result we are changed. When we allow ourselves to be shaped and formed in life’s struggles, we grow in resilience. In this way resilience takes us beyond a return to some original state or the status quo. It’s surrendering to a growth process. And in so doing, resilience becomes a transformative, dynamic work.

“Being resilient does not restore the status quo in your life, springing back to the way it was but, rather, what you have learned from tackling the adversity changes you for the better and helps you become more keenly aware of what is important in your life.” —Neenan and Dryden, Developing Resilience

As you go through hardship and struggle, how are you being changed? Are you becoming more aware of your values and priorities? Are you leveraging the learning opportunities and becoming a better person?More present? More qualified to equip and encourage others?

Questions for Reflection:

• What circumstances might you be in right now that are touching on and quite possibly irritating you internally?

• In what ways might those circumstances actually be refining some aspect of who you are?

And as you take a moment to consider those questions, also remember…

“Sometimes when you're in a dark place you think you've been buried, but you've actually been planted.” —Christine Caine, Undaunted

Challenge the status quo! Unpack your challenging season with one of my debriefing coaching packages. I provide personalized, 1:1 coaching sessions to give you the space you need to sort through a season of intensity, capture insights, and move forward with intentionality.

Processing Transition (aka learning to trust)

When someone comes to me for coaching, I pay careful attention to the language they use when describing their transition. This will give me some clue as to a potential client’s readiness for coaching. If the emphasis is on finding a way of escape instead of engaging a process, we have some work to do.

While God has been known to lead us out of the hard (i.e. He brought the Israelites out of Egypt), He more often leads us through uncertainty. In other words transition is a process.

Get me out of this!

The language of escape sends up some red flags for me. Naturally, nobody likes the pain and uncertainty that transition brings up. So I listen to their story, acknowledge the loss, and challenge them to rethink their approach. Here’s some questions I might ask them (and you) to consider:

•  What if I were to honor God’s ways instead of demanding my own?

• What if I made intentional choices to live according to my values rather than my default behaviors?

• What if I trusted God to provide everything I need in this exhausting process of getting from shore to shore?

• What if I decided what I want to be true about me when I emerge on the other side?

• Do I see transition as chaos or opportunity for transformation? Which one has been my go-to paradigm?

• Lord, how do you want to meet me here?

These are process-focused questions which get to the heart of God’s growth agenda for us in transition. They create space, allowing time for reflection and discernment. And yet the temptation is to grab for the first thing in our arsenal to combat a hard transition; we go to solution-focused questions in hopes to solve the problem, get past the hard, and leap to the next thing. Solution-focused questions might look like this:

• How can I get them to see my side of things?

• How can I create more stability for my family?

• Do I really want this responsibility?

• Should I start exploring new opportunities?

• Why should I put up with all this uncertainty when I could be…

Who doesn’t like a good shortcut, right? This approach may create movement, but it lacks direction and depth, short-circuiting the process and keeping us on the surface.

Don’t get me wrong. There is a time and place for solution-based questions, for taking a more active role in initiating movement and change. But we should be careful not to prioritize our own solutions over the Father’s process.

Every difficult transition comes with the looming question, Can I trust the process? Which reminds me of one of my favorite Oswald Chambers quotes…

“What is my dream of God’s purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process — that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.”

— My Utmost for His Highest, July 28

Trust the process. Alright Chambers, I see your point. But this trust you’re talking about seems to be the first thing that gets sabotaged in transition. We mistake transition as a problem to solve rather than an opportunity to engage a process of growth. And there goes trust out the window. 

Merely processing as a problem-solving approach does not produce the growth God desires in transition seasons. Both sides of the coin are necessary and good given the proper time and place. But as transition relates to the deeper work God desires to do in us, what might need to shift in terms of how you engage the process?

Alicia Britt Chole challenges us in this regard:

 “Process can be a troublesome thing. It disrupts us and disorients us and we would much rather skip to the end. But to live true, we must allow process to run its course. Question it, weep through it, agonize over it . . . but, for the sake of our souls, we dare not truncate process because time alone makes its work soul-deep.”

Because Alicia writes from a lent devotional perspective, she is challenging the reader to “fast” something. She continues…

 “Today, fast premature resolution. Resist tidying up when you are in the muddy middle of the process of obedience-in-the-making. Befriend undone. Name the trouble. Like Jesus, talk to yourself and your Father God. Ask Him if alternative routes exist again and again and again . . . until you push through resistance, pass around resentment, press past resignation, and emerge into willful (even if tearful) partnership with God.” - Alicia Britt Chole, 40 Days of Decrease

We are constantly in process from a growth and development perspective. And, we are perpetually processing from a problem solving perspective. These are the two sides of the processing coin.

Take another look at the two sets of processing questions above. Which ones most resonate with you, and why? Might you need to “fast” the solution-focused questions for a season in order to get to the deeper questions?

If you’d like to start intentionally engaging your transition, download my free PDF “Five Essentials for a Winning Transition”.