Blankets in Summer
Transitions can be confusing and unpredictable. Knowing the season we are in helps us determine our responses.
It’s late summer here in the mountains of Northern California. Glimpses of an approaching fall are just beginning to appear. A few more leaves and acorns on the ground, cooler nights, shorter days.
If you’ve navigated enough transitions in life, the choices can become instinctual. Especially if you’re a squirrel.
The gray squirrels around my house are busy storing up acorns as fall approaches, going about their business in preparation for a long winter. They know just when to start this work. Winter would be too late. Spring would be too early.
For us humans, however, seasons are both internal and external. What we feel and experience emotionally and spiritually does not always align with the actual season on the calendar.
How we navigate transition depends upon the season we find ourselves in. A winter season might be mostly an inward journey as we grieve the loss of something or someone significant in our lives. No career change, no geographical move. But no less of a transition. Patient wisdom is needed for the choices we make here, as well as some outside support to process the loss.
Transitions which most resemble springtime call for different approaches and responses. These are times of new beginnings. We soak in the first rays of sunlight following a long, cold winter. We choose to celebrate the past while waiting and planning for the new to evolve and emerge. Internal motivation is high. We might want to focus on celebration and intentionality. These springtime transitions may be triggered by a necessary ending or new beginning.
What about life transitions which look and feel more like summer or fall? How can you engage meaningfully to make the most of these seasons?
Take a moment to reflect. What kind of transition season are you in? And what might be some appropriate responses?
“There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth…”
I recently had a conversation with a friend who is in a major transition. As we talked about her approaching move, she told me about her urge to wrap up in a blanket before going to a recent team meeting. It’s not the season for blankets in her host country. Nonetheless, she wrapped up and walked out the door.
My friend’s response was not merely about staying warm physically. It was an outward response to what she was feeling and experiencing internally. Inappropriate? I don’t think so. The ways of transition can be strange and unsettling. When we stand on the precipice of major change, we may find ourselves grasping for things which bring a sense of peace and security. Even blankets in summertime.
Transition Tip: My friend wasn't afraid of her team members judging her, even if her actions seemed a bit silly. Build a support team to help you navigate your transition season. They should be people you can trust and share with at a heart level.
Five Benefits of Healthy Goodbyes
Research and personal experience reveal just how critical healthy goodbyes are to the transition process. Yes, even for the introverts among us who would rather board the plane and save the goodbyes for later! Here are five benefits of saying meaningful, healthy goodbyes...
Arrivals and Departures. Tearful goodbyes to loved ones, awkward hellos to complete strangers. Quite the collection of emotional hoops we jump through. For those of us serving cross culturally and just about anyone facing a major transition, this goes with the territory. Personally I’ve never been very good at the goodbyes, but we've had some wins in this area thanks mostly to my wife's intentionality. Research and personal experience reveal just how critical healthy goodbyes are to the transition process. Yes, even for the introverts among us who would rather board the plane and save the goodbyes for later!
Here are five benefits of healthy goodbyes:
1. Healthy Goodbyes Help Us Move On
One of the surest ways to become stuck in a new season is to be unintentional about saying meaningful goodbyes in our current season. Let's face it, goodbyes can be really hard. This is especially true when the chapter drawing to a close has been difficult and prolonged. We may be tempted to keep the farewells to a superficial level or avoid them altogether. When we choose this route, we carry unnecessary baggage into the future. We fail to move on emotionally and spiritually. Healthy goodbyes set us up for success by reducing the emotional baggage we might otherwise carry into the next season.
2. Healthy Goodbyes Help Others Move On
In a personal transition, what could it look like to prioritize friends, colleagues and loved ones who are deeply impacted by our leaving? Those who stay have just as much need to process their stuff by means of healthy goodbyes. We can help them move on when we allow them the opportunity to say goodbye, even if we don't feel a need for a particular goodbye ourselves. Healthy goodbyes help those who stay move on emotionally and spiritually.
3. Healthy Goodbyes Help us Focus on What Really Matters
When I was preparing to leave Central Asia after a 15 year tenure, a local friend approached me in order to say goodbye. As we met, this brother went the extra mile to encourage and affirm me. At the time, I didn't think our relationship was close enough to warrant such expressions of gratitude and affirmation. Now, he is one of my first points of contact whenever I return for a visit. Meaningful goodbyes build upon whatever relationship we may have with the other individual. They don't subtract from it. Why? Because the focus is on what the other person needs. I needed the encouragement and affirmation at that point in time, and this brother was sensitive and intentional enough to recognize that. I mattered to him.
4. Healthy Goodbyes Keep the Doors Open
Does the thought of returning to a particular place in your past hit a raw nerve now? Most likely those feelings will not last forever. Eventually you may desire to return to a place, even one that's filled with difficult memories. We change. People, places and organizations change. Why burn bridges at the cost of relationships and opportunities which God may have a plan for in the distant future? Healthy goodbyes help keep those bridges intact.
5. Healthy Goodbyes Prepare us for Healthy Hellos
This is the fruit of being able to move forward without the unnecessary baggage, being able to go into the next season with a positive attitude and approach to relationships. What our your expectations for the next, new season? How can saying meaningful goodbyes now set you up for success later?
These are just a few of the benefits to saying healthy, meaningful goodbyes.
One more thought. Mostly, we talk about saying our goodbyes. But have you ever thought about praying them? My wife recently read a book entitled Praying our Goodbyes. I asked her what she thought about it. She said it helped broaden her understanding of the process of farewells and outlined some really helpful prayers we can use based on the type of goodbye we are dealing with. If you're going through a significant transition and/or grieving a loss, I encourage you to pick up a copy of this book HERE.
Crossroads and the Big Decisions
God’s way, I've come to realize, is transition. And it works its wonders differently each time. One thing is certain: transition leads us to the crossroads of decision. Here are some important steps to take when navigating your transition crossroads...
God’s way, I've come to realize, is transition.
Oh, it feels different each time. Sometimes change hits us abruptly, with no warning whatsoever. Or it can be subtle, like the first signs of fall after a long summer. Transition can serve as a boot camp of sorts, preparing us for some bold new adventure. Sometimes mostly outward circumstances change. Other times big internal shifts take place, impacting core values, identity and purpose.
One thing is certain: transitions lead us to the crossroads of decision.
Recently, on the heels of a major transition, I came across this invitation from scripture:
“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’”
Take Time to Stand…
Transitions are opportunities to stand between the juncture of two or more paths and consider the options. A posture of stillness prepares us to see what we may otherwise not see and to make navigational adjustments while it’s not too late. Fools rush in, so the saying goes. Nonetheless one part of me wants to heed the world’s urgent call to action, “Don't just stand there, do something!”
Standing, in one sense, is stopping long enough to make sense of it all.
Our fast-paced culture tends to downplay the need for disciplines like stillness and solitude. But what if there is more heroism in the act of standing than we would dare to think? When we take time to put on the brakes and to stand at a crossroads we are more likely to end up in a good place when it’s all said and done...
“Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet.”
Look Again. What do you See?
There is more to the process than simply stopping. It's possible to stop and stand at a crossroads yet miss the message. So, what can we do?
During a recent transition, being presented with another big decision made me want to crawl into a hole. The wisest counsel I received was to pause, to give myself time and space to breathe. Difficult transitions can be complicated by decision fatigue, “the deteriorating quality of decisions made by an individual after a long session (or in my case season) of decision making.” (Wikipedia). During these times why not linger a bit at the crossroads, allowing God’s unhurried wisdom and counsel to take over?
When we pause long enough and observe closely, we may find ourselves moving beyond merely looking at the fog and thus raising the stress level; we actually may begin seeing options and opportunities through the fog!
When it’s time to ask…
At some stage of transition we need to inquire. We need to ask for clarity, for direction.
Asking well requires the art of a waiting with a listening ear. Do you ever get annoyed when someone asks you a question but doesn't wait for the answer? My wife can tell you that I have a tendency of not stopping long enough to hear the answer to the question I'm asking, especially in decision fatigue moments. Thankfully she gives me more patience and grace than I deserve.
Ancient paths are the good ways. They are proven and trustworthy. but they are not necessarily the most well-worn. It takes courage, discipline and a sense of adventure in order to trod these paths (for more read Hebrews 11 in the Bible). Are we stopping long enough and with intentionality to see the best options, the God-honoring ones?
Walk in it…
Take it…the road that is. At some critical juncture we must heed the call to action. What will it take to walk in the path you are now destined for? Through the process of standing, observing and asking, you can reach the clarity and confidence to pursue new, unfamiliar paths. A personal guide awaits us,
“But I’ll take the hand of those who don’t know the way, who can’t see where they’re going. I’ll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I’ll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don’t fall into the ditch. These are the things I’ll be doing for them—sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.”
What do you need to move forward? Courage? Accountability? Rest?
Rest…
Believe it or not, this is really the goal of the whole process…to enter into rest, a quiet, unhurried confidence which has learned the secret of walking with the Creator through times of transition.
Moving forward at a crossroads is something that can be greatly enhanced by working with a life coach specializing in transitions. Need a supportive partner to journey with you in transition or know someone who does? Contact us HERE.