5 Reasons People Fail to Grow Through Transition

Recently, while introducing a workshop on the topic of transitions, I conducted an experiment. I asked the attendees to introduce themselves to someone new and to only talk about things in their lives which were NOT changing. The conversation dragged on for a few minutes. Energy and interest remained low. Next, I gave them permission to talk about anything and everything in their lives related to change. Life and energy returned to the room. It was hard to break up the conversations.

The Reminder? Transition is a universal part of all our lives. It’s where we all find common ground and interest. Transition trends among us.

Change is trending because it's always constant and arresting our attention. Just as all things trending rank high in number of online searches and views, transition trends among us, capturing our attention, occupying our thoughts and conversations.

How has transition impacted you? Do you feel victimized by it? Blessed because of it? Challenged through it?

Given its universality, we would do well to maximize the personal and professional benefits transition seasons offer. Whether we initiate a transition ourselves or it happens to us, why leave the process up to chance? How can we navigate the waters of transition more purposefully?

As a coach I help people get intentional with transition. As a fellow transitioner, I've struggled to find reasons why some of my own transitions haven't been as successful as they could have been. 

Here's 5 Reasons why people fail to grow through transition….

Not establishing clear goals. I once thought goals were somewhat useless during seasons of change because transition messes with them too much. The opposite is true. The fact is setting goals, personal and professional, is the SMART way to navigate change. Having goals through a difficult transition can greatly increase the potential to stay the course when obstacles surprise us and expectations aren't met.

Not setting aside time and space for processing. Failure is linked to forging ahead during transition seasons without due diligence. That due diligence consists of finding ways to reflect and process. A good balance of personal reflection and processing with a coach you can trust is the path to success.

Falling back into old habits. Transition paths are often marked by signs along the way, ones which tell us to break away from the old patterns and habits which got us stuck in the first place. The perfect opportunity to dislodge old lifestyle and work habits that aren’t serving us well is when we're going through a season of change.

The fear of risk. This is a big one. We fear what we don’t know, and transition and the unknown are blood brothers. While risking it all to pursue our dreams sounds glamorous, and the potential to maximize growth opportunities in change is never higher, fear of failure might be something we need to confront. The bigger the transition, the more potential to be paralyzed by fear.

Taking an all or nothing approach.  I used to think that everything needs to change when transition calls. No stone left unturned was my motto. Now I realize this isn’t necessarily true. In fact it’s rarely true. God has always been gracious to to leave me some “holds” during a transition climb to keep me hopeful on the journey upward. As William Bridges puts it, 

“As rock climbers try to move only one hand (or foot) at a time, keeping the other three points of contact with the rock solid, so the person in transition will usually do well to use the rest of his or her life as a series of “holds” while making a transition elsewhere.”

— The Way of Transition

One final thought...

What if we were to visualize transition as a coin, marked by resistance on one side and growth on the other? When we find ourselves resisting change, could we be sabotaging our own growth? What side of the coin are you on today?

Owning Difficult Transitions: 3 Ways to Break out of the Blame Cycle

Most of us don’t knowingly choose hard transitions. They just happen.

A few years ago I decided to take on a teaching and mentoring role at a private university in the U.S. between overseas assignments. It turned out that the institution was on the brink of closure. Morale was at an all-time low, and I was the newbie coming into what I would soon discover to be the countdown for closing the doors of the college.

The initial decision to take on this role catapulted us into a huge family transition, one that seemed to have more negative impact than positive at the time. What’s more, it just kept getting worse. I began blaming myself - that my decision to lead my family in this direction was a major blunder on my part, and now we were all paying for it.

I found myself with tons of negative self-talk and a very critical attitude. Some days I was blaming the difficult transition on myself. Other days I was angry at others and blaming them. Poor decisions were to blame. American culture was the culprit. You name it, I blamed it. 

I soon discovered that blaming and negative self talk only made things worse. Can I get a witness?

Whether we blame ourselves or others for our difficult and prolonged transitions, either way we are not taking responsibility, not owning our transition. When that happens, we get stuck.

Have you found yourself in a transition that seems to be spinning out of control? Are you feeling stuck in a cycle of anger, confusion and blame?  What could it look like to approach your transition differently?

Let’s make a fresh start with this thought: the soil of difficult transition is often fertile ground for growth and development. Think about that last statement. Do you believe it? If not in your head, at least in your heart?  

Here are 3 ways to defeat the cycle of blame and maximize your growth potential through a hard transition:

1. Go for a long-term perspective. Now from my faith orientation, long-term reaches into eternity. What if this season is preparation ground for the next? Is what you’re experiencing somehow tied to a yet unseen, bigger picture? Prolonged transitions can be really hard but they are never without purpose, EVEN WHEN OUR POOR CHOICES HAVE ADDED TO THE CONFUSION. Focusing long–term can help us gain clarity and break free from hopeless thoughts and attitudes.

2. Get personal when it come to values and priorities. Remember, transition is not setting the agenda, you are. Our personal values remind us of what really matters. Faith, family, friendships, the ways we rest, re-charge and renew- all can serve as anchors to help us ground ourselves and bring joy in the moment when we’re tempted to focus only on the complexities of transition and forget what really matters.

3. Talk about it. Seek out a trusted friend, counselor or coach to process your hard transition with. Tell your story. Worries and concerns which are brought into the light have much less chance of dragging us into the dark side of blame and confusion. Chances are you’re not the only one trying to navigate a confusing transition. When I finally began to understand this fact I started approaching my relationships differently. Rather than avoiding people and conversations I started pursuing them. You can do the same by turning your transition into a series of growth-inducing conversations.

It's time to break out of the blame cycle and leverage transition for optimal discovery and growth. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you navigate a season uniquely designed by God for your ultimate good.

Merry Christmas,

Founder & Coach, Encompass Life Coaching

P.S.  As your coach I’m here to support you. Schedule a complementary discovery call to get started on your journey.

New Frontiers: 3 Outcomes of Cultivating Curiosity

I’m currently reading a book titled Undaunted Courage by Stephen E. Ambrose. The author’s retelling of the Lewis and Clark journey has kindled within me a new interest in American history. I attribute this newfound curiosity to the ways of transition.

The Lewis and Clark expedition was fueled by a good dose of curiosity during a major transition period. While other political and economic agendas were undoubtedly present, scientific discovery loomed large as a top priority. Simply put, curiosity got the better of our forefathers, proving to be a game changer in our country’s formation.

Transitions are like new expeditions into unexplored territory. As we set out on transition’s path, we may be surprised at what sparks interest and fuels motivation.

Is a major transition igniting your curiosity in some unexpected or surprising way? I encourage you to explore the uncharted territory which transition affords. 

Cultivating curiosity through transition seasons can lead to 3 super positive outcomes:

1. Discovery. When we cultivate curiosity we begin to gain new perspective. Personal desires and dreams come to the surface. We become more aware of ourselves, our gifts and how we are wired. We discover values that have shifted. When I started to cultivate curiosity I began breaking out of restrictive patterns or thinking. Those patterns were part of my old life, but should they be part of the new? How can I make room for new desires and interests and awaken old interests that have been dormant?

2. Fulfillment. As we begin to live out of our new orientation, aligned with our values and convictions, we come to a new place of fulfillment. Fulfillment comes even as we awkwardly try on new schedules, priorities and activities. Why? Because we are moving in alignment with our convictions, not simply our comforts.

3. Wisdom. Wisdom is a treasure gained by paying attention. As we take the time to learn from the past and reflect on what our experiences have taught us, we gain a wealth of wisdom. We then take this valuable commodity into the next season and future transitions. As we share what we’ve learned with our fellow transitioners, wisdom is multiplied.

“Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.”

— Proverbs 3:13-14, NIV

What price are you willing to pay in order to secure this priceless commodity? How can you cultivate curiosity through your transition season? What clues into your purpose and destiny are waiting to be uncovered?

As your coach I’m here to support you. Schedule a complementary discovery call to get started on your journey.

Here to serve,

–Tim Austin
Founder and Coach, Encompass Life Coaching