5 Reasons People Fail to Grow Through Transition
Whether we initiate a transition ourselves or it happens to us, why leave the process up to chance? How can we navigate the waters of transition more purposefully? As a fellow transitioner, I've struggled to find reasons why some of my own transitions haven't been as successful as they could have been. Here's 5 Reasons why people fail to grow through transition….
Recently, while introducing a workshop on the topic of transitions, I conducted an experiment. I asked the attendees to introduce themselves to someone new and to only talk about things in their lives which were NOT changing. The conversation dragged on for a few minutes. Energy and interest remained low. Next, I gave them permission to talk about anything and everything in their lives related to change. Life and energy returned to the room. It was hard to break up the conversations.
The Reminder? Transition is a universal part of all our lives. It’s where we all find common ground and interest. Transition trends among us.
Change is trending because it's always constant and arresting our attention. Just as all things trending rank high in number of online searches and views, transition trends among us, capturing our attention, occupying our thoughts and conversations.
How has transition impacted you? Do you feel victimized by it? Blessed because of it? Challenged through it?
Given its universality, we would do well to maximize the personal and professional benefits transition seasons offer. Whether we initiate a transition ourselves or it happens to us, why leave the process up to chance? How can we navigate the waters of transition more purposefully?
As a coach I help people get intentional with transition. As a fellow transitioner, I've struggled to find reasons why some of my own transitions haven't been as successful as they could have been.
Here's 5 Reasons why people fail to grow through transition….
Not establishing clear goals. I once thought goals were somewhat useless during seasons of change because transition messes with them too much. The opposite is true. The fact is setting goals, personal and professional, is the SMART way to navigate change. Having goals through a difficult transition can greatly increase the potential to stay the course when obstacles surprise us and expectations aren't met.
Not setting aside time and space for processing. Failure is linked to forging ahead during transition seasons without due diligence. That due diligence consists of finding ways to reflect and process. A good balance of personal reflection and processing with a coach you can trust is the path to success.
Falling back into old habits. Transition paths are often marked by signs along the way, ones which tell us to break away from the old patterns and habits which got us stuck in the first place. The perfect opportunity to dislodge old lifestyle and work habits that aren’t serving us well is when we're going through a season of change.
The fear of risk. This is a big one. We fear what we don’t know, and transition and the unknown are blood brothers. While risking it all to pursue our dreams sounds glamorous, and the potential to maximize growth opportunities in change is never higher, fear of failure might be something we need to confront. The bigger the transition, the more potential to be paralyzed by fear.
Taking an all or nothing approach. I used to think that everything needs to change when transition calls. No stone left unturned was my motto. Now I realize this isn’t necessarily true. In fact it’s rarely true. God has always been gracious to to leave me some “holds” during a transition climb to keep me hopeful on the journey upward. As William Bridges puts it,
“As rock climbers try to move only one hand (or foot) at a time, keeping the other three points of contact with the rock solid, so the person in transition will usually do well to use the rest of his or her life as a series of “holds” while making a transition elsewhere.”
One final thought...
What if we were to visualize transition as a coin, marked by resistance on one side and growth on the other? When we find ourselves resisting change, could we be sabotaging our own growth? What side of the coin are you on today?
Life After Transition
God has his own way of getting us ready for change. Transition is a process of letting go, grieving the losses, celebrating the past, and moving forward by faith into a new season of life and ministry.
I’ve experienced more than my share of transition over the past 6 months. I said farewell to life and ministry in the land of Turkey. My oldest daughter was married (I gained a super son-in-law by the way.) Our son recently moved away to college. Our youngest daughter started her high school career in a new town. A new home, church, and community. While many of these life events give good reason to celebrate, they are nonetheless big changes to navigate, and especially all at once!
One proud father walking his lovely daughter down nature's aisle. I even got to officiate the ceremony and, believe it or not, mostly held myself together!
It wasn’t easy saying goodbye to full time cross-cultural ministry. After all, it was some of the most rewarding and fulfilling 20 years of my life. Someone recently asked me what it was that triggered such a big transition. I couldn’t point to just one thing. Transitions are strange in that way. Feeling under-utilized, not challenged, restless – there were a number of indicators over a long season before the actual transition took place. God has his own way of getting us ready for change.
Transition is a process of letting go, grieving the losses, celebrating the past, and moving forward by faith into a new season of life and ministry.
God has used transition, in its many forms, to shape my character, re-align me with His purposes, and get me ready for the next assignment. And he’s not finished with me yet.
I recently came across a devotional about the life of Joseph. You may have heard about the multi-colored coat he proudly wore in his youth, the “coat of many colors” which his doting father gave to him. But there is something much more enduring than a coat: his character.
“It was Joseph’s character, not his coat, that sustained him through years of betrayal, temptation, accusation and imprisonment.”
In other words, no amount of difficult transition could get the best of Joseph because he gave attention to personal character formation. Prolonged and difficult transitions can be fertile ground for character transformation, thus a great time to work with a life coach, mentor or counselor.
As a family, we’re starting to recover and regroup from all the transition. We’ve settled into our new abode (new for us), a 1960’s era home in the Sierra Nevada Mountains of Northern California. I’m back to building fires in the woodstove, raking up loads of pine needles, and a bit of hiking and hunting – all activities that were not part of life in the big city of Istanbul. These are things that renew and energize me. Well, maybe I could do without all the yard work!
Transition has taken its toll on me emotionally and spiritually. Thankfully, God has given me the gift of time and space to breathe. I’ve been reminded of who I really am in relationship to God. I’m kept in the love of God and sustained by Him through intimacy with Him, not merely by what I do for Him. I’m passionate about coaching, but I want to be more passionate about God. I need this reminder from time to time. I always will.
From a coach's perspective, I’ve learned two valuable lessons through this season of change:
- Working with a life coach is a vital part of processing and planning through a transition. For me, it’s practicing what I preach.
- For you coaches out there, you don’t need to have your own transition all figured out to effectively coach others. God can and will use us to serve our clients well even when, or maybe especially when, we are navigating our own transitions.
Finally, I’m thinking of the global scope of this blog readership. I consider God’s promise to Abraham, that through him and his seed (that’s us) all nations will be blessed (Genesis 22:18). May prayer for each one of us is to be shaken like salt and dispersed like light among the nations, in order that God’s promise to Abraham might be fulfilled, to the ends of the earth.
Peace on Earth,
Tim
P.S. If you haven't checked out the Encompass Facebook Page, head over there and give us a like!
Transition
Read: Jeremiah 23:23-24
Scripture Focus: Genesis 28:15-16
Big life change can often bring about a sense of confusion or feeling lost. When the familiar things in life are replaced by the unfamiliar, God can seem distant and unconcerned. That was certainly how I was feeling two years ago after moving to the bustling metropolis of Istanbul, a city of over 15 million people.
Me, my wife and our two children had moved into a small apartment in a bustling part of the city. It was at the crossroads of two busy streets. The traffic noise was like nothing I had ever experienced, and it seemed to be constant throughout the day and night.
The call to prayer rang out from several different mosques in our neighborhood. I was feeling a bit lost and distant from God. I was thousands of miles away from the spacious house I had been living in for the past seven years, complete with a large garden and fruit trees. Unfamiliar surroundings. New sights and sounds. I was beginning to wonder, “Lord did I hear you right? Are you really in this move?”
Just then I heard God’s whisper through the scriptures, “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” (Jer. 23:23). I realized that He was encouraging me to trust Him with the change and uncertainty I was feeling. I could never escape his sight and his presence, even in this faraway and unfamiliar place. In fact, during the days and months that followed, His nearness became more real to me than it ever would have been if I had chosen to stay in my comfortable surroundings.
Thought for the Day: God is nearby in faraway places.
Prayer: Lord, help us to trust you with the uncertainties of transition. In lonely and uncomfortable surroundings, may you be our constant companion and ever present help.